Coarse Sugar & Fine Salts

In a state right now, where self-pity seems to fill every corner of anger and frustration in me.

Cause I just lost my train of thought, this page seems emptier. The next one goes away just the same, and it looks whiter.

It might be true, I just gained back my thought. That I might have been built to sustain by myself, but inside of me it's fighting that no one can go on this way. Cause it reeks and stinks of me and I. And when I decide to share this smell with someone, it just stays the same. Just, more stink than ever.

Yup I am right, I saw this day coming. I've had enough, from everything. Cause when I'm serious about something it just slaps me in my face. So, enough of the gentle talk. I'm gonna say it as it is.

Think the sweet life is rough, and the salty one is deep. That's what this life is filled with, coarse sugar, and fine salts.

i'll be fine, this isn't new. it sickens me, but i'll pull through. so forgive me if i abandon some people, cause i can't go through. what life is throwing at me, with them tugging on my shoes. the burdens of life, it isn't new. but now its blood relations we're talking, still, im kicking them off my foot. and my heart's locked up, no entry into. it'll be locked up forever, till i say im through.

Deep Red Roses

Do you smell it? Just a whiff and you'll know, that it's the smell of cupid permeating the air.

I've written a lot about love, and what it means to me, and how I like to make it sound like art. Like the story I shared about Hermaphrodites. I am not a firm believer of Greek mythology, but that story simply blew me away.

Cause essentially, love is art to me. The passion and lust in it, the sweet nectar of someone, everything about it makes me crazy. Of course, it's never smooth. But it always is sweet. How two souls intertwine with one another, their lips touching, the warm, moist breath. There really isn't anything like it.

Of course, cliches fill the air too. I heard someone saying that it should be this day everyday when you have the right person. But really, all you should do is just enjoy this day quietly without any cliches. They made this day for a reason; To renew vows, to get closer together, to find the spark that could have been missing for a while now.

I enjoy this day because when I enjoy the special twinkle I see in the eyes. And how I love admiring the beautiful roses, and providing for the quiet, candle-light dinner.

It really is a beautiful day, one which I was really looking forward to this year.

I have a garden, of deep red roses.
Cause red is the colour of love. And I have a lot to give.
And deepness is the nature of love, cause that's how I feel.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. Here's my rose to give; I only have one.

In The Hands Of Time

I often marvel how, at times, time seem to prove me wrong. There have been so many instances where, often, not getting things my way have proved to be a real blessing.

And yes, I am talking about blessings here. Sometimes, I look past the fact that I am quite a blessed person. Not much seems to go the way I want it to, and most of the time it's, ironically, a good thing. Or maybe I tend to make it seem like a blessing; I am pretty good at that.

I've been pondering on a big issue in my head. It is really a big issue for me, because it means opening myself up to the critics and to people who just fill the gaps in my life socially. I have been thinking if it would be a wise decision to announce the holy grail O'mine on Facebook. Yes, I am talking about this space.

You see, I don't open up much to people. All they see is what I make them see, and I never try to get them to analyse me, probably because it isn't easy to do so. I tend to get scared when they get things right, and it's because I don't really want them to see this side of me. It makes me feel vulnerable. Kinda makes me intimidated by the amount of things they know about me. Yes, I am a very private person. Only those who are close to me know what's really going on with me, in my head. Even then, I still don't say much about my past because, I hate it.

I don't have a very colourful past. In fact, I'm probably ashamed of it. That is why I'm trying to do as much as possible, to fill my memories with colours and dimensions, to have stories to share. To be associated with someone's memory. That's probably the best thing anyone could ask for, and it's very honourable.

So yes, while writing this I have made my decision. No one will know what's my decision, because no one would know what was the issue in the first place. Only a handful would, literally a handful.

This thing called time, it has a connection with destiny. &In time, I will know if I was ever destined for greatness. Because really, all this pain should be worth something, or else it really would be a painful life for me.
I'm gonna take each day as it comes. I just wanna smile when my time is up, to know, I lived a full life.
But I am still gonna fight till the end. cause that's the way I do things.
I'm not gonna live in hope, cause hoping for something is painful. I'm gonna leave things in the hands of time. Let's see what the future holds for me.

*cheers I'd drink to that*

Damp Tree Trunk

Weather's a peach today, being alone at home, while it's cold and damp outside. A bottle of cough syrup stares at me from atop the study. "I've drank enough, my pink friend. Enough, for today."

It seems like there's always a narrator in my head, yacking away while I silently walk through a maze of walls and buildings. I'm not quite lost, no no; I'm just simply stating the urban surroundings I am engulfed in. There are no flames today, however. Just a lot of water to flood the dry plains of late.

I'm quite exhausted by talking about my dreams and aspirations here. Cause when you look, there's dreams everywhere in here. It's like an abattoir, it's floors inked by blood, and it's rooms filled with the stench of proof. I'm not saying my dreams are like the animals slaughtered and dead, I'm just saying there's proof everywhere that I have dreams. Might have been a weird way to put my point across, but I just love the sadness my poignant writing can sometimes evoke.

But let's talk now about rainbows and butterflies, and the life many see as a stinking gutter. Cause we're surrounded by beauty, and the majestic creations of nature and man. Surrounded by smiles and passion, by love and beauty. Sometimes, it does make me wonder why people would want to take their own lives.

I wanna try to steer clear of dark entries for now. My mind definitely needs a rush of dopamine and endorphins. Maybe, I should try swimming with dolphins. Cause they're always smiling and happy. And they're joy makes me smile, and happy.

I have to remind myself to make an entry this 29th of February. Cause it's a leap year this year, and it comes once every 4 years. This day, for some reason, holds a real significance in me. It's like, I've always wanted to know someone who was born this day. It's a day that doesn't exist till 3 years after it does. It makes me so amazed.

Amazing, isn't it?