Dreaming Of Mountains

It is incredibly weird right now. I've got this song that has been ringing in my head for a while now. There's just something about this tune that gets me warm and a little damp, on top, of course. It could be all the yawning I've been doing. Yeah, it's the yawning.

Rise up goose-pimples. The heart sinks in whenever this tune hits hammer on head. Spot on. A sudden fuzziness washes me within, drowning me in calmness. The tragedy is only what it sounds like, nothing more. A tragedy it actually is, a tragedy befallen amongst the rustic ruins of yesteryear's fallen smiles. &Of fallen smiles, therein lies the truth, hidden beneath all this distractions. The truth, of Jack's and Rose's tale, not a fairy one but one of tragic mishaps and gut wrenching moments.

Jack, reach out.
Rose, wither.
Ballad, of Jack, and Rose.

A ballad is actually is, nothing less. Drive a dagger into your heart, cause at times it feels we all have none. Mine, my heart, it certainly is oozing. Cause pierced it has been, but only by myself. The silliness of giving it all when nothing existed has caused multiple wounds in every chamber. Right now, it feels I have none. Cause I have none, to give. Cause I don't want, to give. Cause I don't believe. Cause I've had, enough.

May this be the place where a solemn swear is taken, words being both my proof and witness. I'm dreaming, of lush greens and wet fields. Let it fall, let it be. I'd rather be there, than where I am right now.

I dream of mountains everytime I close my eyes. It takes me away, to a place I've never been to, to a place I wanna be at.

I'm secretly afraid for my future.

Old Ruins

There are a couple of things missing now, from the usual tools I have beside me when I am writing here. It kinda makes this whole process more streamline, and sometimes, blabber-y.

And my attempt to give it an exact month before I finally post something here has been fruitless. Blame it on my eagerness to contribute my ever wandering, literature-ish, sometimes dark, thoughts. I do know the rules here; Never work when you're desperate. I never do that here. I can't afford to.

So, even without my glass of bright gold intoxication, and my stick of Nic, I shall still make my way into the abyss. Here, that is.


Stories of more heartaches, and chilling cold nights by the ledge would really kick things off. But I ain't suicidal, and I ain't nostalgic. Life goes on no matter how shitty things get. That's the kinda attitude I'm trying to project out of myself. It really is the best in my interest, because my heart cannot only take so much, and there isn't any point crying over things that are out of my control.

I'm not challenging fate, but I'm in my "just-throw-whatever-you-want-and-I'll-deal-with-it" zone. Cause really, I think moaning about my own luck and envying the luck of others brings me absolutely nowhere. And it really does irritate the life out of me to do that. Cause, not everyone has it easy, no one has it the same way. But eventually, I will get there.


I think I've stumped myself on the last para over yonder. Stumped, I have kinda ran out of thoughts. I think it's quite a disappointment.

All of everything ends eventually. Fuck.

The Some of All Times

"Sometimes it lasts in l**e, sometimes it hurts instead." - Adele


Insecurities; We all have 'em. I bet ya no one in this world, no matter how successful they are, don't have 'em. And I think it makes us human. It certainly is what I would say to myself, my self-coaxing ways to sedate the pounding life-pump.

Certainly, I have a list of 'em. Just looking at the top line would tell ya something.


I do, during certain time frames of my day, just stand, smoke bellowing, just thinking, about what my future holds. To be frank, I don't quite know what it holds. I've reached a stage in my life where, I make the decisions. For prolly the first time in my life, I have absolute control on where I turn up.

I do know what kinda of life I'd wanna live, and I have had a taste of it recently. It was like nectar, so sweet of plant-produce. It felt like the stranglehold around my neck was lifted, and I, for once, could breathe. Enjoyed I did, every single second of it that I could afford a good rest knowing that I'm not running against time, needing to savour all of it while it lasts, cause it created a sense of peace in me to, let go, of sorts, of this obsession. It was probably one of the best weekends of my life, I kid you not.

I'm just afraid, that I won't ever get a taste of this ever again, that I would make a bad decision which would stick with me my entire life. I do feel this doubt in me, but, looking at how my life has turned out so far, it reminds me subtly that, I have the ability to work things out, and that I do have potential. I just hope this fighting spirit, to strive for better things wouldn't die off like a flame, the wind of disbelief being my nemesis. Cause I belief, I know I do, that I would make it out better. I just hope it turns out that way.


Brilliant. I came here to speak about something else, but looks like my ever-wandering thoughts took charge, again.


The recent sudden-urges that have been taking over me has been quite difficult to handle, in all honesty. Cause I felt like a sail, being pushed in whatever direction the wind was blowing from. It honestly was crazy I tell ya, but it really did surface to me that, it's one big aspect of me. And when I do look back, evidence does suggest this theory.

I wanna work towards fulfilling this freedom in me. It's still work in progress, but with a little hard work, and help from unforeseeable forces, hopefully I'd get there. Hopefully.


"Sometimes it lasts in *ov*, sometimes it hurts instead." - Adele