Fate, Karma, Destiny

Listening to John Mayer right now. Watching him actually, Where The Light Is. Beauty, just beauty.

I've been very keen to write for a while now, with all the stuff that's been happening. However, today was just the catalyst I needed to accelerate my intentions. Today was, in one word, amazing. Amazing, cause life seems to throw things at you when you least expect it. Or in my case, totally blind-sided. 

"so scared of getting old, I'm only good at being young."

Today was a total turn of events for me. I was finally able to go out and spend my own money, with someone really close to me. I was finally able to finance my own expenses after months of slogging. I was finally able to go out, albeit for a few hours, and get mixed up in a crowded shopping mall. It felt good, it felt really good.

Then at night, I was in the car with someone who I met a long time ago. A time where, when I was thinking back earlier, everything started to fall apart. It was completely unintentional. I will not go into details as to why it was unintentional, but I was utterly surprised. It's that kind of person where you wished they never existed anymore after what they've done to you, but at the same time, the kind of person where you wanna see, to relive the old memories. To have met this person, it gave me a rush of blood to my temple. 

It was awkward, and it was sickening. And all I could think of was to hurt this person the way this person hurt me. And at the same time, I was thinking, smiling to myself, that fate, karma, destiny, all of these do exist. I'm a big believer in destiny, and this was just a means to justify my belief. What a way to do so. Really, words cannot describe this monumental justification.

The night ended, and I got into my car and drove off, with music blasting through the speakers, and me ripping the road to shreds. 

"and now i'm free, free falling."

I don't know what's gonna be in store for me next, but I'm just gonna play my part and just live. There are things in store for me, I know that. There's a plan, there's always a plan. There're paths planned for us, I truly believe in that. We just gotta keep on moving. I'm gonna keep moving. 

"we're going down, and you see it too. 

we're going down, and you know that we're doomed. 

my dear we're slow dancing in a burning room."

makes me cry every time I hear it