It was the right thing. Hidden in black

And so, he made a trip. A trip down memory lane.

"Ah so nice," he whispered happily.

He was writing. For nights he would sit down, and write. Write down the memories he had, with her.

"Ah so beautiful," he whispered quietly.

Painstakingly, he would write even though it was hurting his hands. And sometimes, he wondered why he was even doing that.

"Ah so pain," he whispered within.

He didn't want her to know the pain he was going through.

"Ah so sweet of you," I said.

And yet, at the end, it came down to nothing. All the pain, the tears he shed while remembering the memories, and writing it night after night, after night. It meant nothing to her. Those tears were filled, not with liquid, but with anguish and heartache.

All he ever asked was for her to read it. 10 pages worth of memories. And yes, it could have been more, but he was running out of time, and faith. He was running out of faith with himself, and the purpose of the letter.

And he knows, she wants to read it. He knew, that she was willing to read it. But, external parties got involved, and psyched and convinced her into just ignoring it.

"He's just scared of losing her, that's why he's sticking himself to her, doing whatever it takes to manipulate her. He knows that she's vulnerable, and he knows that she will have a change of heart if she reads it," the boy's friend told the boy, referring to the external party, which is now her internal party.

But in the end, it was his ownself that got him out of this turmoil that he was in. Again, he reiterate the point: All he ever asked was for her to read it.

He convinced himself that it was gone. The burden, that he was carrying on himself was finally off him, gone. He has done all he could to end everything, in his view, the way it ought to.

Yet, he feels feelings lingering within.

" Why did I even write it?", he asks himself

And after a long time, yeah, he finally knew why.

Only he knows why.

He still loves her. Not as much as before, but the feelings are still there

But, he knows she will never return.

He just needs alot of time, and yes, he wish, oh he wish, that someone would save him.

The question everyone would ask then, is," Is he ready?"

His reply," If you never try, you'd never know."

He's willing to give himself a chance.

But, who's willing to give him that chance he wants?

Memoirs of Memories

"I guess in reality, setbacks in life can pull someone down. Like being pulled down in quicksand. Catching you by surprise, it drags you down.

Emotionless

That's what your body becomes. Your mind shuts down because you get so overwhelmed by the surprise. The surprise that catches you cold.

It's never ending

That's the trip you face once you get caught. A voyage of never-ending sadness. To the extent that it will only end when you have the power to make it.

Numb

That's what happens when you encounter this trip down memory lane multiple times. But, how much of numbness will never be sufficient to feel at least an ounce of remorse. Remorse on yourself, and what could have been."

Realise the open and close inverted commas in bold. Those librettos were expressed by the one and only. The boy.

You see, he thought that he had finally gotten it out of his system. He thought that finally, he had gotten over the terror he was being bombarded by for the past year. He was so convinced that he was over that. But he didn't realise that it was just the numbness. The numbness created by the pain. It was an anesthesia. The pain was the anesthesia.

You see, what he wanted to do was to re-write the wrongs. He wanted to do it the right way. The way the relationship ended was just, in a word, awful. And he just thought that, if he wanted to recover fully, it would just be fitting that he actually do the right thing. End the relationship correctly.

But what happened was that, instead of just, in his opinion, doing it the right way, he plunged down. Nope, not six feet under. He plunged into the darkness. The darkness he was so confident that has gone.

Nothing's ever gone forever. Nothing can not exist. If it's memories that's still in your mind, it's still alive, isn't it?

That was what he realised when he was telling me all this. Think about it.

And yes, once again, another setback. But you see, if this setback were to happen a few months ago he'd be a walking zombie once again. Now, with all the numbness, the experience of handling situations such as this, he can recover faster. Now he's strong enough to think straight without letting his emotions to get the better of him. Yes at the end of the day these emotions will still control him to a certain extent, but now he has the will and the strength to fight against it.

He misses the times. So much so that he was abit emotional when he was talking to me. But looking around him, he doesn't want these emotions to shackle him, like it has done to those close to him. He doesn't want to feel imprisoned like the 2 people he knows. He just wants to live. Yes he has realised now that nothing can never happen again. Eventually, something similar will take place.

He will receive more free passes to experience setbacks. And yes, he will be emotional again. But he constantly tries to remind himself that he doesn't want to be like the 2 people he knows. He constantly reminds himself that whatever she did, she didn't deserve him. Yes he made his mistakes, she made hers too. He will never say that he was the better of the two, because he never was, neither was she. Both were good, and both were bad. He did some ugly stuff, but to him, if she had loved him, she would have never left him using that particular reason.

The unforgivable is usually the unforgettable

He wants someone. He wants someone he can hug and embrace tightly. He wants someone that he can sing to, and to enjoy life with. He wants, he longs for a special 'Her' and it's just causing him to fall on his knees because it hurts to need something so much yet it never seems to come. But yes, he doesn't want to force. He knows deep down, no matter how much he wants to deny. He knows that it will happen one day. And unlike any other day, that day will just take him by surprise.

Nothing will happen when something is expected. Something will happen when nothing is expected.

Realistically he knows that that phrase is correct. But how oh how, he wishes that it's wrong.

He just wants that special feeling once again. Only this time, he requests for a favour; That it'll never leave. Never.