The Sessions

This is ideal. Dark, silent. Everyone's in bed except me. No one can disturb me now. Plus, I'm high. Ideal I'd say.

It has been a busy few days. Waking up early to cultivate a habit, coming back late from an exhausting yet interesting day. Like I said, I'd miss the place once I have to leave. Yes, have to leave. Other commitments that doesn't involve me being too excited about it is taking over. After all, most of my plans have to be changed continually. And I'm not a huge fan of change. Not when it happens to me at least.

Have you ever heard of a blister in a blister? Not until I got one did I know it existed. I wonder if I could have a blister in a blister in a blister. Yes motivational speakers, nothing's impossible.

I just can't see myself like one of them. Standing in front of employees from another company, teaching them values and things about life. Telling them how they should live their lives. I guess for some change is necessary, but I have always believed in self-realisation. Nothing's greater than that, and it works better than enforced preaching. For me at least. This world is so subjective about everything that sometimes you beg to wonder if there's a need for a dictionary.

Books about people. And their lives. That interests me. Not like paparazzi stuff no no. Books like experiences in life, and how some people live theirs. It's intriguing in my opinion to read about how others view the world. Different perspective, differing views. I think this appeals to me more than other genre of books. It'd be better if it's non-fiction. I think it'll be the best choice.

I do have aspirations to continue my love of writing. I'd love to write a book about my experiences as a person, and how I live my life with things happening in and around me in this vast blue sphere. It'd be, cool in my eyes. And excerpts from this site will be in that book. My sessions it'll be entitled.

Knowledge I think, is one of the greatest gift someone can have.

I want to go further. I know I can. Cause I believe I can. That's the difference hon.

Stick Vision

My head's filled. Honestly, as much as thoughts are just neurons in my head, it feels heavy. My head feels heavy. Weightless thoughts as a metaphor is really being put to the test here, or maybe it's just my thick hair-jungle. Whatever it may be, I just feel that my head's heavy, and that's that.

Nothing much has changed since the last time. Does accumulation count as change? I hope not, but it is just the accumulation of thoughts in my head. Heavy thoughts, heaving me to the ground. It is difficult fighting against these thoughts, but that's what experience do. It helps me better understand the magnitude of the situation and it helps me deal with it better. Right now I'm just trying my very best to make the best out of every situation, cause really, every situation isn't exactly kind. I just have a sneaky feeling though that it might just be me. Not all of it, some I cannot control.

I think I have this issue with me. That I tend to go into phases from time and time after every recovery. It feels like a relapse of my condition. And so far I've tried every way imaginable to minimise the likelihood of a relapse but it just keeps recurring.

It's my surroundings I believe, you are a product of your environment and I think right now I'm exactly that. I really cannot thrive in conditions as bare and polluted as this and as much as I know this is a recovery phase everyone's going through, I just think it's pulling me down deeper and deeper. I just can't proper myself around this. I just think it's killing me. I just can't think.

I feel so tangled and muddy. I feel murky. I feel so lifeless, I feel drained from everything. And I'm trying you can't say I'm not but I'm trying to make the best out of everything. I just think this has to end soon I just hope it does because I think I can't hold on for much longer especially not for this long.

I'm doing the best I can, to the best of my abilities to make sure I'm helping. But as I've mentioned, I cannot do this alone it's harming me. I'm losing all thoughts trying to make sense of this situation. Fuck, fuck fuck fuck.

I still harbour hope though.It's just so thin right now.



I have been longing for something. A book, one I saw when I was overseas. And ever since I finished reading the one I bought from there just a few days ago, I've been longing for that book I saw, craving for it actually. I think that it's an interesting one and I'm honestly getting all excited about it. It feels nice, to smell a new book and to flip through the crisp first pages. It gets me all excited and mint. So yes, I'm gonna get you soon. And I can't wait.


Things, I guess, will not return to the way they were when everything's settled. Well I'm glad it won't, cause things would be new. I just hope that when all the dust settles and we've cleared all the debris, what's left would be us. I sometimes have convulsions just thinking about the most saddest thing, and I pray that it will go away, everything. So that you can finally taste what it's like to see the light once more. I may be suffering within me, but I've not faltered. Oh no not yet. And trust me, the demon's turning green with envy going oh god dammit.

"My Piece"

I've got a man placed above me.
Stands there with a stick of sorts.
He's always looking in front, never looking at me.
Looking ahead, never once returning a glance back to me.

Of course he is after all statue-d.
I think he's just the best piece of anything
I have in my room.

And he's an aborigine.

I can't have enough of this.
And I can't give anything right now.
Cause I just feel, that it won't work out.

You're still beautiful, though. No you, not you. Yes, you. You.
You're fucking beautiful.

Red Flash

No glass of anything tonight. No not tonight. It's burning enough for now. Tonight, we just live. With cold cans, and soft music. Chilled drinks, and speakers on low. Cause tonight, we live on the high of our feelings.

It's in the air. It somehow feels thicker. Like heat in the air. I'm heating up to your name. Facial blemishes are a sign. Oh goodness, fuck me. Fuck me just fuck me. The tummy's hot, but I'm high so fuck me I'm high.

Light breeze, you feel that the night's doing the best it can to light something up. The night's cheeky ain't it?


I still have flashbacks of that night. Vivid as the images may be it's nothing compared to the feelings that instigates me when I happen to encounter the flash. It's sickening really, it dampens whatever that's said here before this. And yes, it's still affecting me. I guess you call it holding onto hard feelings. I just think that things should never have been this way. Cause look at what it's done to me. Honestly, as much as I love you I hate you the same way for causing this hurt to me. Yes, I still love you how could I not. You just gave me another reason not to, and I'm fighting it off as hard as I possibly can because I choose not to believe what your actions are telling me.

And while all of this is happening, look at what it's done to me. It's wearing me out from everything, this explains the exhaustion I face every morning. All of this has been wearing me thinner and thinner, to the point I'm breaking down on myself. But again, I choose not to succumb to this. I've chosen not to belief everything's broken. The thing is, I can't be the only one who feels this way.


Goodness it's getting more personal each time I'm here. I guess that's what early mornings and light music does to you. It breaks me down, in a good way. I feel that I'm getting lost into the music. That it's hard fathoming how is it even possible for anyone to make music this way. I can only say great work mate.

I'm still thinking about you, it should mean something. I just don't know what to do about it.


I'm gonna make a list of things I wanna do before I reach a certain point in my life. Not like a bucket list, more of a list of things I wanna do. Some of it that will make people go "aww", some that would never make people go aww. But definitely, it's gonna be a list. Thing I wanna experience before reaching a certain point in my life. Whether I'll ever get to do any of it remains as blur as it does. I just think it's kinky. Kinky remains a mystery. Kinky remains loyal to me. Kinky's a lawyer my lawyer. Kinky's a blur as it is.