Discontinuation, unless..

"feel like I've been waiting so long for tonight."

A lot swimming through my head right now. Actually, not much, come to think of it. Just my constant worry that I won't be able to reach the heights my dreams have set for me, that's all. Yup, that's all.

It really has been a constant worry to be honest. It's this feeling of not being able to be as great as I thought I could. Yeah, I'd like to be great. To be rich. It's really about money. Cause I know what it's like to not have any. And really, once you go there, you don't ever wanna be there again. 

I feel the constant need to fulfill the dreams my parents had, both for themselves, and for me. I honestly think that, at times, that's what having kids are for, besides carrying the family's name. My parents, like all young adults during their age, had big dreams for themselves. However, they were thrown into the slumps of life, and had no choice but to abandon their aspirations and fantasies. I honestly feel sad when I think about it. And I know it hurts them till this day. I see it in their eyes. And just seeing them try so hard to rekindle that chance once more, it feels like someone took a dagger and stabbed my heart with it, twisting it while the sliver's in me. 

I can't afford to be like them. It's not because they are ugly people. As I grow older, I grow fonder towards them. It's taken so much of out them to raise me up to who I am today. And for that reason, I can't afford to be like them. I have to be more than them. More than who they are. That was their job all along, to raise me so that I would carry their dreams with me and make it a reality. Cause I know, they think highly of me. And right now, I'm nothing but a huge disappointment to them, and to my capabilities.

For that, I feel sad. Even more so after writing all this. I have been a huge disappointment to my parents, and that kills me. I can't continue like this. Really, I mean it. I can't. And if this carries on for too long, I won't continue.

"enough is enough, just gotta let go."