Swallow

I can't start, there's distractions all around. It sounds rude of me. But I'm desperate to be here. To start. Something. And when night comes calling doing things on impulse is the way. This isn't on impulse though, it's hard-waiting.

Things have been happening around me. As usual I suppose. Nothing's changed in that area. It's been pretty filled with new things. I've usually told myself not to talk about people here. And you know, it's really difficult you know, especially since you've caught my attention. No you, not you. Yes, you. You.

I don't know I really don't know, I really don't know what to make of this. But definitely, you've caught my attention.


And so, a new day's began. At least the clocks show that. Not much from the streets, it's dead. The way it should be at night. Makes it peaceful, serene.

I still feel as though I'm not quite right yet. Ever since that debacle of a physical dispute things haven't been the same. Not the way I see it. I do see effort in trying to change things. You can't change who you are though, that's for damn sure. You can change the way you see things, however.

I sound like a goddamn pessimist. Maybe I am in situations like these. I am actually. I am a believer too. I have strong faith, in the way life should be. I do have a strong belief we choose who to be. I do belief we have a certain say in things. Not all, some things are beyond me at times. The rest, I bring it unto myself. Good, bad. Harmless, harmful. Love, hate. Hey, at least it has an opposite to it.

It's a balance I suppose in my eyes. To everything. We'd all be dicks if there's never been a single shed of blood. We'd all be dark if there's never been a single miracle. We'll all be the same, if nothing's different.

I'm just making my point here. Principles I suppose, and I have a set of them. All protruding out, to be seen by those who I'd want to show to.

And I guess when all else fails, when I rest my case, we'll all just look around us. To see that all of us are trying to make order, from the chaos we've created. These bare hands don't lie, stories lie in those lines. Cause these bare hands never lie. And we can't run away from our make.

"Quote"

"At four and a half months old a human fetus has a reptile's tail. A remnant of our evolution. Maybe that's what I couldn't escape. You can fight a lot of enemies and survive but if you fight your biology, you always lose."

It's a losing battle. It's better to accept it. That's the first step to everything.
But it's hard to, for me too.
And when all's done, this is just nothing but words on a page. I beg to differ.
I rest my case, for now.

Change

Realisations' been the name of the game recently. Realising this, finding out about that. You learn quite a lot about someone just by observing. No doubt there wasn't a mirror in front, but you find ways to do it unto yourself, like what you do unto others. Not the exact saying, we'll make our way around it though.

Things might go a bit fast. Not much space is given to think now. The night's beautiful, though. Ain't it hon? Ain't it.

As much as it hasn't been much these days, with a head like mine nothing's ever that simple. It's true that I haven't been up to much these past few days, but whatever I have been doing, whatever small amounts it is, it's been making me think. Impacting me of sorts. Impacting me in ways where I've felt it before, and it's just portraying what I've been going through. If you knew, you'd know that things haven't been smooth sailing for me. I can go on and on with expressions to illustrate my bumpy journey lately, I'll stick to this now, just not to blow things out of proportion.

It's been in my mind for quite a while already, and confirmation from trustworthy cards have kinda proved it. That for now, it'll be me with myself, for a while now. I think it's mostly down to me, not hurrying to make a decision, and not feeling as though this is the right one. It's just in me, that I feel, there's something better over the horizon. It's the belief I have, like all of the other beliefs I've nurtured in me. And what makes me a believer? Cause it's happened for me. Not everything at one go, but bit by bit I've been getting a slice of it.

A slice of life. Slice of my life, and how it should be. Hopefully it would be. I belief it would. It's just not time yet.

"Over the seas"

There is a place I want to be
A place I want to see
A place where beauty speaks for itself
Where beauty speaks volume

It's a place far far away
A place you'll want to stay
A place you'll yearn to feel
A place you'll tempt to steal

It's a place in my heart
It's a place,
Where it isn't
In my current place.

I'm really getting desperate for a change. A temporary one, but a change nonetheless. Take me home.

Entitled: Lazy Monday

Sometimes titles do most of the decision making, don't they? Todays' one was pretty simple really. I think it's the perfect description.

There's a place in my head, a place far far away. It's not an unknown place. In fact, it's a place known for many things. Things I'd like to be a part of. And right now I can't help, but to feel so overwhelmed by this place. Magical, it's simply blissful I find.

Honestly, like me being really honest now, I want to go there. A handful may know where it is, and the handful knows how much I'd like to be there now. And honestly, maybe I would be going there soon. Honestly.

It's the place itself that gets me so desperate to be there. The place itself, and what it can offer me. It's able to offer me something I'm craving for now. Maybe the word craving doesn't do this feeling justice cause my cravings, when attended to, simply goes away. This, I feel, is a place where I belong. Cause right now, I need calm. And right now, the place I'm in can't offer me that.

I might one day, I think, lose this feeling of wanting to be there so much. I guess it's not me being not confident I'd ever get to see that place, it's just me knowing that when I want something so much and I can't get close to it, I eventually lose interest in it. Really, I don't wish for it to happen. But I guess at some point we all move on.


It's a cold day today. Notice I'm using the word today, not tonight. Yes, I just had to be here earlier than usual. Things in my head were screaming at me to be here. I had such good thoughts I didn't want to waste them away. Besides, it's a calm day in a way. Just like all the nights I'm here, it's just a little brighter and a little more active than usual outside. Thankfully someone got the idea of having windows and curtains for added protection and privacy. It's not replicating the exact conditions I'm used to, but it'll do. For now.

"Demons"


Not much rhymes here.
Just more thoughts for this one.


And it's a thought that came to me. After seeing what I saw and hearing what I heard. That eventually, one day, the demons that we're constantly fighting against, it'll be these demons that we'll eventually succumb to. It's not much of negativity in here it's just more like thoughts.

Cause I've seen it, all around of me. I've not seen it all, but it's enough to make me feel that I'm right in this. So guess what?
Prove me.
Wrong.

Cause someday, we all have to die.