Cracked Pictures

Sitting down, thinking, of what I'd like to write about. Write, for today. And while I'm doing this, a thousand thoughts are swimming through my head. 


You can't pinpoint, and put your finger on one though. That's the funny thing, so many things, yet, nothing substantial. Pretty much sums up my life. 




I guess what I was thinking about a few moments ago isn't that important. I mean, in the moment, I felt that it was something I wanted to talk about. 


Maybe I'd still like to talk about it. 


Revenge; I guess, when I think about it, I am a vengeful person. To me, it's pretty simple: Don't hurt me. That's all. Cause when you cause me hurt, you've caused a huge hole in the face I once held close to my heart. And this hole, it keeps getting bigger. You can do things to make things whole again, but this hole, it's only covered in plaster. And as soon as something else comes up, something which affects me, this plaster cracks, and voilà, the hole is present once more.


I talk about this because, there are some people who've caused a lot of hurt to me in my life. Yes, I know nothings' all rosy; Everything comes with its thorns. And it's not that I get hurt easily. But, we all have our breaking points. Mine? I just don't wanna be left stranded. And these people, they've made me felt more alone than anyone could have possibly have done. And when it's all said and done, they're just ashes in the air. Black, light, dead, done. 


it's simple for me: i'm learning to kill things off. and for me, it's dead already, so stop trying. you strangled it, i just had to add the finishing touches. cause that's who i am not. i don't start, but i finish it.

The Non-Extinct Instinct

A miracle might have just happened.


Moments after finishing the entry below, my mind started filling itself with an abundance of energy. And voices, my voice, it was telling me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Enough, of blaming others for my misdeeds. It's time I stand up to my own crimes.


It's time, to stand up and start blaming myself instead of others for my misfortune.


A miracle, indeed. This, is crazy.

Cherry Blossom Vines

Just leave it, and let me be. Cause honestly, there isn't anything that's gonna mend this. A heart so broken, a mind so scarred by all that's happened. I honestly cannot see a way out, cause it seems to get worse each time it happens.


It cease to exist. Like, it begs me not to believe in miracles. My optimism is dying down, and what's left of me is slowly degrading to dust and bones, flesh rotten and decayed by the staleness of my life. Where's the adventures I've been yearning, the scandals I've been craving? These sandals are thinning, the soul of my sole is tearing.


There's some truth in this, and there's a lot of lies. But the main thing is, it ain't happening for me. No matter what I do, how much I say, it just doesn't seem to work.


Someone, please explain to me: How does a beautiful sunset turn into a raging hurricane? How does the blossoming of spring suddenly turn into the harshness of winter?


cause that's what we were heading towards, a beautiful sunset. and it ended up tearing me to shreds, in a snap.
cause that's what we were, blossoming together with life. and i ended up freezing alone to death.

Te Amo

I'd like to say, before I begin, that the title is mostly down to the song I'm listening to. A catchy song, but it hardly has any connotations attached to it. Nothing that I wished for, anyways. Anyways, I have nothing to prove.

It's been a while since I've been here. Trust me, this concerns me quite a bit. And yes, I have been figuring out an answer to it. 

I have found an answer. And it has to do with my recent writings.

Things have been strange of late. Really lucid dreams. Surreal happenings, and of course, who could forget what happened that fateful night? I can't. and I have the marks to prove it. 

 Gosh, sometimes I think that my writings here are so repetitive, so mundane. And at times, boring. I can never seem to sit, and think about explaining something to the extend of illustratively detailing it.

But this sounds like me; Never satisfied with what I have, and what I've been achieving. Cause I know, I can do so much better.

Yes I have realised: I am a bit of a perfectionist. I don't see the beauty of things. Instead, I see the flaws of it more often, and I think of how I can improve it. Most of the time, it's about myself. I think about what I have lost out on, more often than seeing the things I have with me. Happiness, is not quite enough for me, i.e. I can never get enough of happiness. Maybe that's the reason why I am unsatisfied with my life. 

I highly doubt so, to be frank. I just feel I am much capable in achieving many wonderful things in life, and yes I am impatient about it. I am indeed, getting extremely agitated at how long I've been waiting. I know I am still young, but this youth, with time, it will fade away. And I want to revel in my youth. I, am getting very impatient.

So here it is, after such a long hiatus I am finally back. I just feel ashamed, to have shared this place with some people. Cause, it made me open up, to show how vulnerable I am. And I have realised, that no one can ever do this unless they love that person. And, I thought you did, the way I still do.

but this was not true. still, "don't it mean i love you"?