Jade

I'm pretty close to tears now. Actually, consider it reached. I, am truly broken. I, really wish this is just a really bad dream I'm in right now.

It really is quite painful, waking up in the morning and having your heart crushed by the overwhelming truth that you're no more around. I have never met you, yet you have touched me in ways I can only feel. Spoken words have no space for this, for the emptiness between lines are actually feelings filling it.

You weren't a troubled soul; People troubled you.
You lived your life the way you wanted;

Amy, you really were a true talent. One of a kind. There won't be another you.

The Dramatisation Of An Infatuation

I can't seem to put a finger on how I'm feelin' within me right now. It's quite mixed up inside.

Honestly, it really has been a while since I've held the hands of the opposite gender who I hardly know at all. And all of it was so comfortable.

Me being myself, I just couldn't get out of my head the idea that you were just sitting there all by yourself. I mean, I couldn't comprehend that, not when you consider the nature of the place we were in. And I, naturally being the guy who wants to save all, had to approach you.

I kinda liked the fact that you were cool about it. And I kept my word, which was, my friends and I were gonna take care of you. I personally wouldn't have allowed anything happening to you.

You cool, suave. And you were very welcoming to my idea of joining us since your group of friends were nowhere to be seen. I made it a point to illustrate to you that friends just don't leave their own behind. And paint a vivid picture I did, despite the poor lighting in the area.

You should have seen me after you left. It kinda felt like my heart was ripped out. Now I understand the abrasion on my knuckles. I couldn't help but to intoxicate myself even more.

I don't quite understand it. And I do know, things won't workout for me. Still, I don't want to leave this out of my life where it comes to a point when I lose all ways of communicating. I think I felt this because, it's been so long since I've held hands other than my own. And that, it all had to end. It felt sick.

Then again, when you left I saw a pair of eyes smiling at me. It took me a while to register, but yes, she was smiling at me. I looked, once, then again. I had a third glance, a shot in hand, and said,"Cheers, darling". And she disappeared into the night, never seeing her again.

Awaken From Slumber

"Nothing is lost, it's just frozen in frost." - Damien Rice

To die, is to live. When you learn to die, you learn to live. A phrase from Mitch Albom's mentor, Morrie Schwartz. A man with fantastic courage, and someone who left a legacy behind, as he departed this world.

Death, is only the start, in my opinion. Being a believer in the world after living in the human mantle, I personally feel that way.

To look death in the eye, directly in front of me, I could very well say that I shouldn't be here. To have stared at it, I saw and felt nothing. Maybe yes, the words "fuckin' shit" might have exited my mouth. It really was a natural reaction. But I didn't see my life flash by. I didn't feel anything, except for a sense of necessity in salvaging my situation.

I can very well say that yes, I was there. I'm a skeptic, and maybe it was just a really bad thing that was gonna happen, which wouldn't result in me departing. However, I can't be certain of it, now can I? I certainly am not amplifying the situation, but I feel that I could have not been here today.

I looked at death. It was about to take me, but by some crazy miracle, and really good brakes, I managed to escape it.

Maybe it was supposed to be this way, for me to have a real scare. Maybe it was supposed to be this way, just a scare. But it doesn't hide the fact that, if there was contact, I'd definitely would have looked much slimmer, much disfigured, in my hospital bed, or coffin.

I dunno what to make of it. All I know is, I want to use this as a reminder that we don't really have a lot of time. And that, life really is this fragile. And that, death comes, without warning. Maybe wasps of hints would have triggered the intuitive emotions some people have. But it comes as swiftly. And it doesn't give you a heads up.


If I could decide what my tomb would write, I want it to say,"A man who lived fully, lived happily, who lived life. That's how I want to be remembered.

Coin

The world. What is it actually? A place filled with people and natural wonders? Yes, yes it is. A place filled with miracles and science-fiction? Absolutely. There is no denying the beauty it holds here.

The world? What is it actually? A wretched place stinking with the foul odour of murder? Yes, yes it is. A place, filled with words of deceit, and heartache? Absolutely. There's no denying the brutality here.

When you open your head and look into it, the amount of ideas and knowledge it reflects is as limited as the people and places you've known and been to. And not to forget, the experiences you've gone through as an individual.

You begin to wonder though, how much do you want out of life? How much knowledge do you wanna obtain, and how much do you wanna put yourself through, to know and feel as much as possible?

The best remedy for this, is to remind oneself, that it doesn't matter where you're from; It's where you're going.

The world isn't as beautiful as it looks. Because people are savages.

I, live in an empty space.
I, ain't ever lookin' back.

Battle Pills

It really is kinda hard to swallow. I'm smashed, really. But I'm leading by example, too. And that, I can't show it, me being smashed. Because the one who's actually leader by default isn't putting up a proper act, and I'm supposed to show how it's properly done.

Smashed, fuckin' shattered. To be in the right all along, only for me to pull out because it's financially advisable to. And as much as I can mask this with really good comebacks, the reality of it is, I've lost. I've lost, even though I was right all along.

This place, as much as we show how civilised we've become, at the end of it, we're all savages. Yet, the reality of it is, not everyone succumbs to it. I, personally, try my best not to. I always feel that it takes courage to put up your hands and say Hey, my bad. And, it makes me feel silly cause, I've been this way most of the time yet, this demeanor O'mine really has made me look like a fool.

It's a question of endurance, and how long can I actually keep this up. But in actual fact, it really isn't me putting up an act because, this is me. This is who I am.

I don't quite know how to take this. What I know though, is that this is a learning point for me. And, as bitter as a battle pill it is to swallow, the fact is that we don't always win, no matter how innocent and truthful.

I just hate losing. Let's just forget about it.

You motherfucker.

"Naive"

It's about time, I realise the world ain't all about
Chirping birds and floating butterflies.
It's about time, I put myself first ahead of others.
Cause when I'm in pain, it's only because of my actions.
And I only have myself; It's not easy to face myself in
Times like these.