Bolts

Lovely, what a beautiful night. Damp, cold, quiet. An ideal night I'd say. Too bad the day's happenings screwed everything up. Too bad.


Patience's running so low it's thinning. And it's been running thin for a while now, I just chose to be quiet about it. Now, I've lost all hope. And you know what, for all that it's worth, screw ya'll. All of ya'll. Get out. Of me.


I've chosen not to bother though. Cause today was a day where I had sand stuck in between my toes and salty cool breeze blowing on my face, and what's left of my head full of hair. Not much feeling up there though, it's thick and covered.

It felt like a coming together, where the silence felt like understanding. The place made me feel that it cared for me, just being there for me with the silence and wonderful weather. I had it all, provided for me naturally and not asked for. I'm not a very demanding person, and simplicity is more than enough for me most of the time. Today I felt it. This place of mine, never leave me. For I've not felt that much serenity for a while now. With chaos all over me. And me all over chaos.

Fuck ya'll. All of ya'll.

D.N.A.

Keeping it simple these days. Not easy oh no not easy at all. If I were a strain of virus I'll be one of the most complex ones. There's just so much to me, a realisation I made long long ago. Yet, I seek this simplicity in things. Not easy, not impossible however. There's so much around me that makes me go, serene of sorts. Light, fine, not heaving-ly heavy.

Clean fine light. 3 things I consider simple. It just makes me feel that it's so un-burden like; Makes me feel like there's not much to look at, yet there's so much that's unexplainable. It's so little yet it leaves such a mark on me. And I just sit or stand there in wonder, thinking, "how the fuck can anyone do this?".

A place comes to mind when I talk about this. Surprisingly it's a place here in this funny town. State, city, country whatever you call it.

I dunno I just don't know. It felt so nice being there. The smell, the feel, the atmosphere. So serene, so weird attributes of such a place. It's usually hustle and bustle, places like this. Yet I found it peaceful and, artsy. It's the smell, it's definitely the smell. Definitely.

You know, fuck this sheepish attitude, literally. It gets my goat, pardon the pun, to see so many headless fucks just blinded by the need to stay "ahead" with the times, and let it bring them to places and things they hardly know about. It seriously annoys me when I see people doing things just because others are doing so. There's a reason why we're given a brain you know, to think for ourselves. Fucking sheeps. Stupid fucking mutton.

Tomorrow's gonna be interesting. I'll finally be answering the call from my appreciative side, and I'll be finally satisfying the hunger I've been having for such a while. It exploded yesterday, this hunger in me. It really did consume me, now it's time I pay attention to it.

Rolled up eyes and peaceful mind. I'm high now. So let me show you a good time tonight, cause I'm the one who knows how to treat you right. Who knows how to treat you the way you should.

" "

Stop biting your lips, start expanding your chest.
You'll need all the air from the gasping.

You bitch.
You sweet mistreated bitch you.
Let me eat you.

Feel the thumping.
The valves are working extra tonight.

Cause tonight, it beats out of our chests.
So that we could feel,
Us.

You bitch, you sweet mistreated bitch.

Go Easy

Not about the heavy, concentrated content. It's things from the lighter side. And I have so much to talk about. I guess more free time with myself helps. It makes me feel dimensional. And pictures, makes me feel clean. Clear and clean shots.

If there are a number of things I would like to pick up while enslaving myself for these 2 years, I'd want to learn the art of photography. I tend to be one who gets annoyed with the steps needed to ensure detailed and concise outputs, I've always wished there was a "mind-reader" button where any device could see what I want and then adjust itself accordingly. It'd be a dream come true for me. It won't show effort though, and I guess that is what it's about.

I think it's just amazing when you can manipulate imagery with just a few clicks. And it's astounding to see the amount of details in just one shot. The use of lighting and positioning. One of my favourite angles are ones where the subject is closer to the side. To me it gives a view of the background, with the subject sneaking into the shot at the side. It's about how the focus is shared. Oh, it's sweet just thinking about it.

Maybe learning the ways of plucking tight strings attached to quality wood is another skill I'd like to learn. To play light hearted notes with a soft raspy voice. Norah, Oh Norah. Where art thou?


I did mention about a book I've been trying to get my hands on. I thought it would be an interesting one to read, and I wasn't wrong. So far it's been just exceptional. A gift, like last years', which would be long appreciated.


Looking back at just that one shot, I do miss the wineries. Although the trip there was marred by a lack of time and a few naggy ones, I thought that it was one of the most serene places I've ever visited. You could imagine being there, up the cold, wet hills with nothing but a warmer on you and a camera in hand. And the beauty of the place. The colours there, absolutely stunning. Vivid skies, beautiful open land. It was refreshing being up there. I'd do it again when the time comes, this time I'm gonna appreciate everything there peacefully. What a place, don't ever go away.


And a dream about me taking flight in a huge flyer. It was a weird one because it was neither here nor there. Dreams, as fuzzy as they are at times.


Picture me, in that backdrop, strumming a guitar in that beautiful weather. Picture me doing that. On the side of the frame.

It's picture perfect.

The Truth

The end of something, the start of another. Kinda sums up this 2 days.

It's overwhelming, thanks ya'll, all of ya'll. Thank you.

&I know what I've finally been missing out on. Don't ever leave me creativity, and the friends you bring along.


And let it be known, I have a huge crush on her. Going gaga over her, if you get my drift.


I finally have a name for my alter ego. Meet The Truth, my saviour. My self. The Truth.

Touchy Feel

This is something honest, this is something true. A startling revelation. Of me feeling that, I'm starting to lose touch of this place here. That's I'm starting to lose touch of the one place that keeps me sane, that keeps me in check, and that one place that encourages me to continue oozing contents of creativity and truth. This place, I'm talking about this place here. I wish I could hug it right now. Cause I've missed it. Cause for the past few weeks, I've felt out of touch with everything that's "me". That, I was losing myself to the chaos and mundane activities of the outside world.

Thankfully though, I've regained consciousness. From the cycle of life, and the dullness mine was filled with. I swear, you don't know how good it feels to be back here. Let it be known. Cause the world that I was in, really, it was driving me insane. The constant lies, fake smiles, and not-genuine relationships. Naivety is what it really is. However, I choose to be oblivious towards it now. Cause as much as this is what the world really is, it's not the world I want to be in. So you know what? Fuck ya'll, all of ya'll. This time, not with a smile.

As mentioned, things have been very chaotic of late. Both internally and externally. It felt as though I had lost touch with me. That all the mess, and I couldn't handle it all. I did manage to overcome most of it, but in the process I got tangled in everything. And the more I did to untangle myself, the more I tangled myself. To the point where I couldn't tangle myself more, to the point where the only thing I could do was to start untangling.

And untangle I did. Slowly, and it consumed me. Drained me more mentally than physically. Drained nonetheless. It was only gonna drain me while I worked out of it, however to the point where I just felt nothing inside. Hollow, empty. Where I didn't have the energy to even afford a smile. A truthful one, that is.


I have been busy, so for tonight, I'm unwinding. And what better place to do that than here, while rewarding myself with a nice glass of scotch. Let me tell you, there's no place like here. I mean it.


To me this has been a very exhausting journey. At the same time though it has taught me things. Things that I would learn the hard way. Honestly, it's the only way I learn by. And once again, it's told me more about myself. Burdens have been lifted, dues, well most of it have been met. And now, I'm on the receiving end. It's not as bad as people think, it's just that you would have to deal with sympathy more than anything.

It's also made me have more belief in myself. Things have not been the same recently. A difference in mentality, but in a good way. Tougher, more resilient. The old cliché of what doesn't kill you makes you stronger applies here. I think it always does. Now, I've regained my belief in promises. So fuck the old saying that it's meant to be broken. Promises are beautiful. I promise you that.


Honey, fuck me. I'm high. High, high in the sky. And oh, I love John Mayer. He's fucking amazing. And money, or the lack of it, isn't gonna be the ultimate deciding factor. There are much more things more important than money, I know that for a fact.


I think I've mentioned this a couple of times, and each time I do I get more serious about it. My book, and you know what turns me on? For you to see me do this while you're on my bed. Just watching me, drifting in and out of consciousness, letting my juices flow. Cause when I'm done with the entry, you'll be all high too. And you'll be romanced like never before.

"Romanced"

There's nothing more exciting
Than the thought of you
Watching me
On my bed
Doing this.

While I jump into
And out of.
The real world.

All the while
You're watching me
Work my magic,
My imagination.

You can't wait for me
To end this entry.

So that you can have me,
All to yourself.

And we'll romance
Like no man, or lady
Has ever done
With you

Cause, you're beautiful
You're beautiful
It's true.

Cause, you were the one
I tried to draw.

You are such a turn on
I never want to leave.

I'm coming.
You are, too.

The me-you this-that jibber-jabber. What a beautiful night though. A beautiful night, nothing more I could ask for. While the town's dead, and no activities.
&Somehow I can never forget you, and your smile. I just feel we could have something more. Could. Cause you're a peach.
Your smile your smile, it's your smile. &Exactly one year ago, I wrote it and told you about it here. Do you remember?

I'm back, and I ain't going nowhere. Cause I missed you too much. And nothing's gonna take you away from me. Cause you keep me in line, in sane. Cause I love you.

You're beautiful, it's true.

Friday Sessions

A sense of relieve. To plug it in, and hear voices so good it made me quiver, and at the same time, envious. It's alright, I prefer the quivering. Sudden gasps of air, just to catch my breath while I listen in amazement. I need a new carrier, something that would be legal and at the same time, beneficial for me. Cause really, I wither without my ever-frequent dosage of, music. There, for once, something that's not ambiguous.

It's a cocktail of drugs I just slurped down in an attempt to unclog this one-sided blockage that keeps switching between 2 sides. And fuck, even a spray isn't helping this.


I've always had ideas on how things should be done. Like, I've always felt that things, certain situations, could be avoided. However, sometimes circumstances don't favor that kindness, most of it is individuality, now isn't it? It aches and hurts to see people suffer in situations that they have no control over.

&We finally had our Friday Sessions. Wouldn't have missed it for the world. Let's rekindle some things, others are meant to be broken. Accept it.