Shadow Begone

I've never seen so many "s'es" in a word. And like always, I try to find a word that makes things more ambiguous. That shows what I feel thoroughly, but hides the directness of it. It's so ambiguous, this place here. So many meanings. So much, or all of what I feel, hidden in little spaces and pockets between paragraphs, between lines and phrases, and words and alphabets, and spaces. It goes to show what a vocal yet discreet person I am really, so direct but indirect. Such contradictions, no? Yes.

Once again I'm stumped by the sheer presence of this place here. My mind's gone awol on me, and I can't remember what I wanted to say here. Maybe that's what I wanted to say, that my mind's been awol for quite a while already. I dunno, I can't recall.

What a few months it's been for me. And I'm still going through it. I feel as unstable as uranium. I feel compass-less, I feel robbed. Of everything, everyone I had. Including myself.

You know what I wanna do right now? What I really wanna do? Go to a far, far place. Where no one can reach me. So that I can seek the answers I'm looking for. Cause life has been so painful, it's starting to feel that it isn't life at all, but lessons in hell.

There's a mental block here, I really can't be myself tonight. Maybe you can save me. Because even myself has left me.

Non - Existence

I'm trying to submerge myself, into a world of my own. Trying to cancel out, all external interferences. Reason being, it's not night now, and the sun's out in full force. Which means, normality resumes. Why am I here though? you might ask. Because I'm feeling weird once more. Because I'm feeling affected by so many things once more. Because, I miss this place once more. Once, more. because


Your first name's the last alphabet, your last tune's my first choice for moments like this. Cause your voice, it has an ability to make me feel like this. Like a presence you have on me. And that whenever I come here to try and express how you make me feel, I come up short because you, leave me speechless. And that if I had the chance, I'd want to come close to you. So that I could hear you, hear that voice, resonating and calming my hectic mind. Cause right now, it's messed up.
You, leave me speechless.


I guess it's the final piece in me you've broken. And no, don't compliment yourself for breaking me down cause I still ain't broken, it's just the love I had for you that's like the last piece you've chipped off from my glass heart. Cause now, I couldn't care less if you were dead. And I took pleasure in hurting you, I saw you bleed. That was for the cheekbone. And for all the other times I gave you a chance only for you to hurt me more. I couldn't care less if you were dead.

It's all so messed up. And I always ask if anything should ever boil down to this. The answer, always the same. That there isn't a need for things to be this way. Too bad, you chose it. And now, you'll never hear from me ever. Too bad.


I've always loved life. And that I've loved all that has come my way. And so, it will not change.

Image Nation

It baffles me at times, the things that I create in my head. And the fact that I can make it feel so real, and that I will be talking along too, it's mind-boggling. Like baffles makes me think of waffles, and boggling makes me think of, boogle. Like goggles. By the way, boogle's a game, a word game. Just FYI.

No much activity here, with the meter telling the whole story. Unless people actually have the page in a separate window that is never close, it shows a great deal. Well, for a fact I enjoy being here. Such a wonderful place. Just beautiful.


Work, if you can call it that rather than forced labour, is degrading in my opinion. Since we're the lowest in the hierarchy, it seems everyone would like to fuck this piece of meat. As rude as some lessons are nothing compares to being there. And if it teaches me one thing, it's that rank means nothing if you don't respect your fellow labourers. And that respect isn't derived from rank, it's only because we're forced to in order to "obey" the laws of this organisation, or learn how to the harsh way. Lemme tell you fuckers, without that badge you're just like me. Just a little older and more stupid. Stupid fuckers.

Yes, it's taught me quite a lot being there. Not much of ability, but more of communications. And yes, I can do a better job. Hell, a monkey could do a better job. And I could do a better job than that monkey, for the record.


I've got so much thoughts running through my head, it's no surprise. And to think that you're missing out on all this just to stay ahead. I know deep down you're hoping this risk is worth it. It's a stupid risk in my opinion. I just didn't tell ya at that point of time. Cause you're risking the loss of life. And no money can't buy that back.

That book, the one I was so desperate to get and finally got it, yeah that one. Well, let's just say disappointments don't come any better than this. And I'm already 2/3s done. There's just too much irrelevant stuff. Or it's just that it's indirect content is for the mind to decipher. Well if they made it that way it's plain stupid. Cause it's so obvious they didn't.


&Right now I can hardly stay awake. Cause right now I'm so high. That the head goes blank. Till it sparks back to life again. And till then, here a mid-write.

"Revered"

I am but a stranger to you
No one, somebody
But nobody
Like everyface you see
Like noface you see

Yet you're revered by me
Like one of the 10 I was told off
You might be more than that

Cause the brilliance of your work
Leaves me
Speech
Less


"II"

And till that last time
It was the last time

Never had another opportunity
&All I have is memories
Of what it felt like

Detached, I've lost touch
Of what it feels like

Hungry, I'm yearning it
To remind me what's it like

As you lay there
Watching me in my possessed state
This is the other side
Others hardly see

As I sit here
Thinking of you looking at me
No pressure, you're motivation
You're inspiration no art piece gives

And I'm just sitting here
Thinking of you

Thinking of your thoughts
As you lay there
Waiting upon my presence

To fill the spaces in your yearns
To fill the spaces in the mattress
To fill the spaces
In you

You're inspiration no art piece gives.

I'm yearning for something right now. Cause I know it's implosive, and that once the right opportunity comes you'll see something like nothing ever. That's the price, for the years of waiting.

Patience pays off. I'm running impatient. But patience pays off.
Fuck. Me I'm high.