Titanium Time

Maybe it's a lack of focus. Maybe it's a lack of determination. Maybe, it's a lack of belief. Belief, the lack of it, in myself. The belief that I can actually accomplish something big for myself. 

I used to be this guy who had his world in the palm of his hands. I used to be able to dictate, to lead, to gain the attention of people. Now? I'm becoming a regular Joe. That's hurting me. More than that, my ego's bruised.

Whenever I watch John Mayer playing the guitar, I always tell myself that I wish I could be as good as him. Yet, I never placed myself in a situation where I actually worked hard for it. It was a simple wish, hoping that some miracle would happen, and I'll be able to play the guitar like him. 

I look at the people who's revolutionised the world. Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg. All leading people in the world, and I always told myself that I wish to be one of them one day. But again, I just sit there and wish for it to happen. Sure, I do feel handicapped without the aid of capital. But, even I know that it's just an excuse. I just sit there wishing for something to happen. That's it. Nothing else.


I feel sad thinking about it. I used to be someone who had determination. Now, I just feel like I've succumbed to the normality of life. The mundane cycle of waking up to get to work and getting back to sleep to get ready for work. I used to aspire for greatness. Now, I just do nothing.

It leaves me close to tears thinking about this. Right now, I have a job that can potentially make me a lot of money yet, nothing is working. And there it is again, I'm hoping for something to turn up. I do know that I've been trying, but the only way for me to feel that I've been trying hard enough is when things actually start getting better. Right now, I feel that I've not been doing even as close to the best as I am capable of. 

I know I'm capable for greatness. I know that, I know I have the capacity to go far and fulfil the promises I made to the older me when I was young. And I want things to change. I want to change. I want to be that guy who is unbreakable. Right now, I've been cracking up too much. It's time to change that. It's time for me to be titanium. 

I can do it, I know that I can. And if I keep my head out of my ass, I will. 

This is what i want to achieve by the end of this year: Clear of all debts, get my weight down to less than, you know what number (I'm too ashamed to say it), and to have savings of $20,000 in my bank. 

I can do it. And this year, I will. I'll come back here at the end of the year, and I'll say that I did it. I can do it. I will.