Derivation Rederived

3. I watched 3 movies today. In a span of 12 hours, I watched 3 movies.
2 of the movies were real good movies. Honestly, 2 of the best movies I've seen.

The 1st movie was filled with complete-ness; Nothing was flawed, every single detail of the movie fitted perfectly like pieces from a jigsaw.
Every single detail fitted perfectly.

The 3rd movie was, in a word, relatable. It felt like an instant connection when I saw it. Felt really surreal, moved me beyond words could, caught my heart for sure.

I get really disappointed when I start to forget my roots, when I start to forget how I got somewhere through so much hardwork. It feels annoying because the drive suddenly disappears. I feel so ungrateful to myself, it feels so ungrateful to be in that situation. And only when things start to go bad that I realise how out of hand I've become.

No matter what, nothing's changing me.
No matter who, nothing's changing me.
Nothing, no matter.

Someone said this to me. This someone said something that really helped me. You know who you are.

You'll make it through Ravinder. Nothing will bring you down.

Till this day I use this words to motivate myself. Sometimes it's not so much in believing in yourself; it's also when people see and reflect this believe you have in yourself.
You damn right, nothing's gonna bring me down.
Thanks.





And I'm sitting back now, my hand holds a glass of spirit of-sorts, on the rocks. I'm sipping on it, relaxing myself. I'm trying to think clear. I'm trying to clear my mind to think clearly.
I'm thinking, of what life really is. How does life really work? Would I turn out to be the guy in the 3rd movie I watched? It seems so, because of the identical traits we seems to be reflecting upon one another.
It scares me to think that I would be the one who tries too hard and loses it all. It disturbs me when I see myself in that character. It really moved me, that movie. The concept of the movie was brilliant. I would say that it isn't your typical movie; It had a certain ebb and flow to it.
And it seems as though the universal purpose for our sole existance is for us to mate to help contribute to this cycle. It feels weird that I don't usually feel like how the others do, but I just put it down to mentality.

A Little Piece Of My Sky

Do you spend your nights getting high off wavey strings and light raspy voices?

How about drawing your nights away, drawing lines that make no sense, yet drawing lines that makes art?

Do you spend your nights blank-minded, not knowing what your next course of action would be, with no plans, no schedule, no commitments?

It feels so free, so surreal, so difficult to wrap your head around the fact that you're currently detached from civilisation, not knowing if you might make it to bed whole.

The lights are dimmed, the blues are singing, the tingly breeze skimming on your skin, goosebumps all over, and the heart skips a beat.

Stop looking in spaces; There's nothing here. I know who you are

You were sitting on that very chair the first time we met.
You spoke to me in my ear, finding it hard to catch your breath, your heaving breath tingling my ear, tingling my senses, tingling me into sensual elation.
Tingling was what you always did to me, you said you wanted to spend a night with me.

You said you wanted to know what I can be like when I'm feeling detached from my body, with my light soul occupying my large frame.
You wanted to see how am I like when my head's as light as feather.
You wanted to know how I'd treat you when I'm high on no pills no alcohol no sense of reality.

Still looking? Not every space has to be filled you know. Some emptiness is nice.

I'd appreciate you.
I'd caress you.
I'd gnaw you.
I'd strip you; I'd treat you like art.
You're a nudist's masterpiece, and I'd bid a million years in exchange for your features and your raw natural beauty. I'd bid my lifetime just to spend more time with you. I'd bid my life just to feel you, just to see your skin blemish when I tingle your smooth as velvet skin. Fingers will caress your thighs, moving up and circling your toned belly, writing with my fingers my name on your ample, erogenous bosom.

Salivating,
Heaving,
Moaning.

Begging, for more please.

Don't worry,
we're only just getting started
*whispers lightly*
There's more.

Dust

The guitar comes in, sharp chords. This raspy voice starts the magical journey.

This ecstasy high makes me feel the music more. It overwhelms me more than usual. It feels like morphine for a painful soul, acting as painkillers each chord slowly heals.

He's so fucking magical

And I have been having this sudden fetish for art. This fetish comes with desires, and I have some to fulfil right now.

Why do I only feel like this in dire needs?

I have visuals in my head that has accompanied this fetish. It shows a lot of skin and meat. And it seduces me in ways only my head can. After all, it's all in the head.

She's riding it, on my white horse she moans
Gallop, gallop

It's amazing, what the mind can do. It makes you see things you want deep down. It drifts you away for a while, setting your mind loose without rules. It feels light, it gives you the high you'd want to last.

Brilliant, magical. Real.

In my arms, she was with me.
Smiling at me, I saw acceptance.
In my arms she laid, we only had 3 minutes.
We did so many things.

We enjoyed the movies, we saw no hurry.

I saw acceptance and understanding.
I saw willingness to understand privacy,
yet I saw no point to keep anything away.
I saw empathy, I saw hope and drive.

I saw hope, I saw hope.
I saw appreciation. In everything, she showed.

I felt warmth, I felt needed.
I felt understood, I felt mature.
I felt high on endorphins.

You saw me, and all my flaws.
Yet with open arms you led me in.
You took my hand, you held it tight.

Security, you wouldn't leave me.
Understood, you wouldn't kill me.
Loved, you wouldn't hate me.

You melted me.
You satisfied me.
You read me.
You, and me.

Nothing will keep us apart.
Nothing will tear us.
No one will stop us.
No one will hate us.

Envy, the public see us.
Happy, the public see.
Controlled, the public feels. Matured

We're never gonna win the world
We're never gonna stop the war.

But we're gonna change our world.
We're gonna stop our wars.
We're gonna live forever, in hearts' heart.

You were the one piece of hope I needed.
You're gonna give me that, I couldn't ask for more.

Out Of Sight

The ones I've been trying to save are the ones killing me

And to think that I was helping. Everything's gone against me.

I look back now. So many people's left me, so many that were close. "Close" was what they did, they forced me to close them away from my life. And now, when I look back at it, it feels as if what I have been doing is wrong.

All of ya'll make me feel as if I've been wrong all this while.

It's started to make me feel useless. It feels as if I am of no value, to anyone.

You have started to make me feel as if I should abandon these beliefs and principles I live by.

My mind's in swirls and twirls. I feel that I'm losing my mind, my soul's being dragged along with it.
I know who I've condemned. And there's no turning back now.
And I know what I am doing is right.

So fuck ya'll, all of ya'll.

I'd wanna start afresh, away from all this. Vanish, I'm needless here.

*poof*

I'll be gone, trust me.

Angels & Demons

It's always the case where, so many times, the demons in us take control. And the angels in and around us are the ones fighting them away.

I've been haunted lately by the demons in me that were sedated a long time back.

I thought they were gone.
Nothing's ever gone forever

It felt like taunts I couldn't take anymore. They were awfully cruel and cunning in their ways of bringing me back to the "dark" side. It was more of thoughts than actions, more psychological than physical taunts. It felt as though an army of these horn-headed creatures were making their way through my memory vault and unlocking them even without the key. Forcing their way through, I felt powerless, imagining that all the angels that have been with me were wrist-bound and gagged with bones and dust.
I felt powerless. I felt powerless.

One by one, things around me started to change. I saw the world differently. I was being forced to pick up the vices I threw away a long time back. I was being forced to look at life differently. It felt as though I was being forced to hate. Just hate motherfucker, hate motherfucker hate.



I honestly feel as though my whole life is crumbling right in front of me. And as much as I would like to change things for the better, everything's out of my hands. I'm no longer holding the aces.
The very same demons I've once forgotten about are the ones that's breaking me. I feel that I'm losing my soul, that it belongs to the devil now. I feel lost. Even the sun feels so cold.

But I've been here before. I know what it takes to bring myself up back again. I know what it takes to bring them down once more.

I do feel low, I do feel down. But I do know, that this will all come to an end.
And I would finally be able to smile like I mean it.
I just need a clear head to see things better.

I don't see art in this.
I do.
Angels revive what demons decimate.
Oh