In The Hands Of Time

I often marvel how, at times, time seem to prove me wrong. There have been so many instances where, often, not getting things my way have proved to be a real blessing.

And yes, I am talking about blessings here. Sometimes, I look past the fact that I am quite a blessed person. Not much seems to go the way I want it to, and most of the time it's, ironically, a good thing. Or maybe I tend to make it seem like a blessing; I am pretty good at that.

I've been pondering on a big issue in my head. It is really a big issue for me, because it means opening myself up to the critics and to people who just fill the gaps in my life socially. I have been thinking if it would be a wise decision to announce the holy grail O'mine on Facebook. Yes, I am talking about this space.

You see, I don't open up much to people. All they see is what I make them see, and I never try to get them to analyse me, probably because it isn't easy to do so. I tend to get scared when they get things right, and it's because I don't really want them to see this side of me. It makes me feel vulnerable. Kinda makes me intimidated by the amount of things they know about me. Yes, I am a very private person. Only those who are close to me know what's really going on with me, in my head. Even then, I still don't say much about my past because, I hate it.

I don't have a very colourful past. In fact, I'm probably ashamed of it. That is why I'm trying to do as much as possible, to fill my memories with colours and dimensions, to have stories to share. To be associated with someone's memory. That's probably the best thing anyone could ask for, and it's very honourable.

So yes, while writing this I have made my decision. No one will know what's my decision, because no one would know what was the issue in the first place. Only a handful would, literally a handful.

This thing called time, it has a connection with destiny. &In time, I will know if I was ever destined for greatness. Because really, all this pain should be worth something, or else it really would be a painful life for me.
I'm gonna take each day as it comes. I just wanna smile when my time is up, to know, I lived a full life.
But I am still gonna fight till the end. cause that's the way I do things.
I'm not gonna live in hope, cause hoping for something is painful. I'm gonna leave things in the hands of time. Let's see what the future holds for me.

*cheers I'd drink to that*