Poison Fokus

Really, it's a clear case of, you want what, you know deep down, you can't get. You do know it deep down, it's a case of denial that there has been acknowledgment. That you can't get it. And I keep going, for this instance, and I keep persisting in chasing these objects, like catching air; It's everywhere, yet I can't keep some. Not unless I wanna turn pale, blue, dead.

It is sickening. Like nostalgia, which has been clearly publicised here, it is absolutely sickening. Still, it's stubbornness. Give it up already, there's so much else to live for.


A close one recently advised me. That I needed time for myself. That got me pondering; Don't I already make enough time for myself? I dunno, if anything I feel I need to stop dwelling on myself. Then again, a drunk never admits so.

This is my poison.
What's your poison?
This, is my poison.

Lately I, wanted life. So much more since you arrived.

This, is rancid. An acid that eats. And now, this acid, is having a feast; There's a lot of me that has been eaten. It's continuing to do so.

Bon appétit, Monsieur Acid.

The Zeus Story

There's an evident Greek-ish theme around here these couple of days. It stinks of Greekness, if you catch my drift. Not the Tokyo-type just the joke type the dry type not the chewy type.

In all honesty I have never been that much into Greek mythology. However that article, which I quoted, has got me really thinking. I do honestly think it's such a brilliant way to portray companionship. Still, I have never been a firm believer of higher authority. Still, a brilliant story, you'd have to say. I definitely say so.

Goodness, I really do think that mess now has a new definition. A picture of me should appear in the book of meanings, cause it really is chaotic now. All I wanna do is break, literally not so much metaphorically.

The question of existence, why are all of us here, and, in my opinion, the really annoying answer of us being here for a greater purpose, is really annoying. We, we are the greater purpose. Why can't anyone see it?

Blind as bats, but it isn't even bright here so how can 'em be so. Blind, I mean. Be so blind.

A kick-ass dream, last night I had such a kick-ass dream I didn't want it to end. Being wanted, a fugitive status and a bounty on my head. All because whatever I am feeling currently was reflected in it.

I feel the world is against me. I feel I'm facing everyone else, and I have no one on my side. That's how I'm feeling. I'm being pushed into war, and if I retreat I will have knives in my back, and the walls will plaster around me.

&In the end, I will be just another number. And even if it happens, I plead to be a special number. Cause, no one wants to be just another number. The sad truth is though, almost everyone is, and will be. Oh that's depressing!

So that's the Zeus story. Soaked in yogurt, dressed and served in a pita.

That's my story. I'm not Zeus, and I'm not just another number. You know it as much as I do.

Alright pour me a neat one.

Drop the board I'm standing on, the noose is tight enough I'd say.
However,
I don't fall easily. But when I do, I fall deeply.

Hermaphrodites

A story from the Greeks:

"All human beings used to be hermaphrodites, recounts Aristophanes, creatures with four hands and four legs and two faces turned in opposite directions on the same head. But these hermaphrodites were so powerful and their pride so overweening that Zeus was forced to cut them in two - into a male and female half - and from that day, each man and each woman has yearned to rejoin the half from which he or she has been severed."

I can't provide much, but I can assure you I'll show you a life you could never have imagined. I'll show you things you've never seen, experience events you could never possibly dream of, and bring to you feelings, you never thought you could feel.

Just take my hand. I'm reaching out this is the best I'll do. Complete the other half, you hold the key to this new door in the world.

Complete, my other half too.

And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?

I'm so sure of myself, it's scary. It's confidence. Trust me, put it in me.

I want, your hand. It'll be a journey other hermaphrodites would envy. Even greeks turn green. Didn't you know?

Choke Hold

Well, apparently a very special day awaits the world. It's about half an hour away now, unless of course, if you live in a different timezone. You do the math yourself. But no matter what, you can't run away from this. It dawns upon us. Yes yes, you know which day I'm referring to.


As I sit here typing, handicapped by my thumb's inability to move freely, I really have not much to say. Only that, I usually have things to write about on this "special" day. Yes, "special".

I have heard a lot of debates on my side, many are believers, some are not. I'm really not sure which category I fall into, so let my writing tell the story. And let it paint a picture, or 2. Just leave it simple, something I always enjoy.


Well as usual, this year is really living up to my prediction; It fuckin' sucks. Nothing is making it better. It usually feels good to get my forecasts right. Like the weatherman. But, you can't always predict the weather, you know.


Poems, flowers. Chocolates and candles. Clichés fill the air, it buzzes around my ear like that annoying fly. Still, many are fond of these things. I, for one, love 'em. Not clichés, but whatever I mentioned earlier. Esp candles. Gotta love 'em.

So forgive my cynicism, I am, after all, a very big cynic. And forgive all this that annoy you. But be happy, and be merry this day.

Cupid's missed out someone. Oh no, I forgot; I'm on some anti-cupid antidote. Silly me.

Be loved, be sweet. Have an awesome V day.

"The Choke Hold's Writing"

I, for one, can't stop thinking about you.
I, for one, think you're mesmerising.
I, for one, still have a crush on you.
&I, for one, still am fond of you.

Your eyes, the stories they tell.
Your hair, the waves they hold.
Your smile, oh your smile; Can't stop thinkin' about you.

You prolly still don't know.
I doubt I'll tell.
I'm afraid to ruin it all, again.
Yes, I'm still that small, scared boy.

Is this love?
I hardly doubt so.
After all, I have my own meaning of it.
And right now, it isn't.
Not until there's reciprocation.

I wished I had you for the night.
And day.
I'll keep you within sight.
And never let you stray.

I'll think about you.
And continue I will do so;
It's torment, it's pain.
I like this feeling that way.

You don't know,
how much I like you so.

How much,
I still like you so.

I'd rather be real; Dreams, they get me nowhere.

Dark Bird

"The real work's when you metamorphosis into her evil twin"

Evidence. That there is a part of us where, when we let free, turns us into something completely different. The great Franz Kafka wrote about it once, in his work entitled Metamorphosis.


Watching that film just got me deep. Into thinking that this is just seriously crazy. Yet, it's so fuckin' beautiful. So fuckin' beautiful.

I wanna experience being with someone who has a mental condition. I always thought, as much as this may sound sick, that schizophrenia is such a wonderful condition. When I say wonderful I don't mean as "superb" or "so cool", I mean it's so interesting. It appeals to me so much because there is no reality in it, and there is no control whatsoever in that person's mind. F. Scott Fitzgerald's wife was schizophrenic while he was writing Tender is the Night. And if you know, tell me how beautiful that piece was.

My curiosity is, how is it like being one?

I dunno, they said curiosity killed the cat. And I know, this, might me.

This is unique. This, in wonderful. I ain't lettin' it go, not for nobody. Not for anybody. It's only, for me.

It's always been, for .

Bitter Tint

Transparent; That's what everyone is to me. Every other person I know, or have seen before, has been seen right through. Because, I see through things, antics and attitudes, the hidden gestures. Some, are more tinted than others. Others? The majority of them are like reading a brochure; You immediately know what's it about.

A gift, apparently. I don't know, whether it's a gift, or a talent I invested a lot of time and effort in making it grow. In the romantic way, I'll say it's both. And right now, the investment seems to be paying off. Not in full, I don't want that. I'd like this to secure me till retirement, just until my last breath.

In all honesty, it sometimes is quite a disturbing thing, to be able to read through so easily. Cause I know what to expect, and it takes out the element of surprise. It's like, I know your next 2 moves. And you can't fool me, cause I know that's the way you work. Predictable, so many of you are. And sometimes, I really wished it wasn't as straightforward. To me, at least.

But yes, there are times where the element of surprise really does catch me. Unawares', and it really is sometimes a splendid feeling to be able to be surprised.


I have been both expecting and surprised recently. I could see that something was not right, and as mentioned in the earlier works, it proved to me that I wasn't mentally deranged. It however did surprise me at the magnitude of it all. The whole posse was against me.

Felt terrible, I felt horrible. Mortified, at how quickly things changed. At the dictator's seat buttons were pushed and the verdict was given. And how quickly, the puppets nodded their heads in agreement.

Pardon my naivety, but aren't we all at least a little old enough to be thinking for ourselves, and of course, brave enough to clarify certain issues before passing judgement? Well, unfortunately yes, I was being naive. And yes, I have totally overestimated. The maturity in all of y'all. And Dear Dictator, you've once again shown the snake in you. The hissing prevails!

The sad thing about all of this? It has happened before, to me yes it has. It's both sad, and helpful. Because being in the position I am now, as I was before, I felt I was able to comprehend the situation a lot quicker. And yes, it certainly doesn't feel alien at all to me.

I do think still, that's it's a pity. But every end, as Mitch says, is a new beginning. I don't know if it shows a sad reality that, I will forever be someone who's misunderstood. I have a feeling it does, and yes it somehow compels me to, keep a distance. I don't know, let time reveal all this.

All I know is, I'm free. And yes, all I know is, I saw this coming. Sensed it, I'll say.