Restricted Freedom....Chained Liberation

Back to the drawing board, they would say..


You know sometimes they would say, that when someone finds what he/she is looking for, they tend to forget the ones they were close to in times of crisis and anguish.

"Carried away by the breeze"

"You see, if there's something I've noticed," the boy said," it's that, we don't do it on purpose. We don't 'purposely' forget our helpers. We are merely, but literally swept away by what we have now that we simply change our priorities. Your diary might have been the most important thing to you, but when you finally get what you've been longing for, all those nights weeping while writing in it becomes a thing in the past."

"It's a phase we go through. Because we as people, we change our priorities all the time. And once that phase is gone, when sight gets cleared from all this mist and fog that is our 'longing happiness', we suddenly look at what we've become; The people we promised not to be."

"How far can you go with what you have that you didn't had? Pardon the confusing sentence structure, but the main thing is, how far can you go?"

"This is where I break into my story," he said.

I stood up, and took notice.

You see, he saw progress in his recovery. Alot of progress to the extent, it felt as if it was a full recovery. But yes, deep down, he knew that it will never be a 100% recovery.

You can only do so much with what you have.

He knew that the only way he recovers, is when there's someone else in his life that he can think of, instead of her.

But the magical thing is, unlike those times when he couldn't even close his eyes fearing that the memories will devour him like scavangers, now, he can just make do with it, and move on. Now, he has the strength to put that thought away, and concentrate on something else.

It's not that we've forgotten about it. It's just that, as compared to the times immediately after the incident, our will-power is much stronger that now, when those memories come back we are stronger as before to push them aside and start thinking about something else.

And so, being strong enough to put his mind off it was working, and for once in so many many months, he could finally see his wings spreading. He had the one thing he never realised he had; Freedom.

He was free from commitments and responsibilities. He could do anything he wanted to. He had no one to think of, he had no restrictions. He was free.

And so he began to see the colours that everyday brought him. He could eat anything he wanted to. He could look at anyone he wanted to. He could do anything he wanted to. Life was fun.

But as he was about to strut off with his wings well-spread, he got hit. Hit by the arrows he was shooting.

Shooting, just for the fun of it.

Sometimes, reality is a bitch. And this bitch got him real hard in the face.

As he was watching the telly, it hit him: Yes he does have everything to himself, the world to himself. But, it feels as if this freedom has it's boundaries too.

This freedom had it's constrains

Funny huh? Freedom means that you can do anything you want to. "No limits, nothing at all," he told himself.

This freedom kept him captive, as this freedom was only restricted to it's own kind; Free people.

It meant that he could only do things that free people can do. Things like swear, drink, smoke, one-night stands, anything. He couldn't do things like, get intimate with someone he adores, hug someone lovingly other than his parents, kiss someone to tell her how much she means to him, be together in the company of the one he loves.

You see, everything in life comes with it's limitations. Yeah, being free means you can do anything. But you are restricted to doing things that only single people do. It limits you from exhibiting love, intimacy, things that you do when you're attached.

And that's when it hit him. That's when he realised that after all, he, as compared to others, is the same. He has freedom, but like everything else in life, he has boundaries too that he can't cross.

You can fly with the wings you got when commitments left you, but for how long will you fly? Eventually we'll all have to stop for a cup of tea, reflecting on what we did.

You unattach yourself from one hook, but at the same time, you're attaching another one in you, making it a part of who you are.

It's never ending, and trust me, you're never a free man. No one will ever be free from everything. Yes, never.