Love, Me

The only person I need now; It's not you, it's me.

The only person I'll continue needing; It's not you, it's me.

The only person I'll never need; It's you.

Dear you,

I guess the past has had a bearing on me for the past couple of weeks. Dreams, visions. They say,"Seeing is believing." Well, I kinda believe in it now.

It's been tough, this few weeks. You never seem to leave me alone, be it physically, or illusionarily. It seems that I can't really think straight after bumping into you. We don't bump into each other, we have never done that since that day. But when I see you, it's a sight I just dread seeing. Dread seeing because, I've gone on without you.

You left me there to rot, heartless as you were, but with reasons I see clearly now. But still, the manner in which you left me, it's something that lingers within me. It's my way of reminding myself that I don't, and will never need someone who was as heartless as you.

Yet, when I see you, that thought never seems to help me until I actually sit down and reason with myself. You killed a part of me, you killed me, because that part you killed was everything I was. It took me years to rebuild myself, and when I'm finally feeling as if you were just another person, you had to come in front of me to cause doubts in me. Doubts that I thought had been answered with conviction before.

Yes I did make my mistakes. Was I to blame? You were never there for me to correct me. Everything I did was right for you, you never questioned what I did. But when your patience ran thin, the points you brought up about me fell on deaf ears because of the leniency you gave me previously. Yes, I was a fool, I didn't know what to do. I thought we were doing things right, only for me to know that you just didn't want to hurt me. You agreed with whatever I did, only for me to know that you just didn't want to hurt me.
I was a fool. Was. Now, it's a different ball game.
But guess what honey? You ain't invited to this ball game.

I don't need you. A part of me may want you, but as a whole, I don't need you. I did that all on my own, and now, I'll get over this on my own.
I don't need you. I need me.

I was strong enough to go on without you. I'm stronger now.

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger

I wish that I don't ever have to see you again. But it's gonna be impossible considering, well, it's just impossible.

One thing though, I wish that you would have to go through as much as I have been going through. I tell myself that you never loved me, that's to make me despise you more. But I know, you wanted me as badly. And if my instinct tells me so, you still want me.

Remember what I said honey, you can't lie to me; I read you like a book.

I hope you read this. I don't need you, and I never will.

Love,
Me.

My Leash, The Protector

It's been long, too long.

It's blank now, it wasn't a few days ago.

Maybe I'm here to say that I'm still around.
(And when he thought it was gone, it's flashed right back.)

*flash*

Strange things have been taking place for the past couple of weeks. "Well, if you call dreams strange then you must have been having nothing for the whole of your life. Haha," he chucked at that.

It's been weird cause, he is dreaming of things that he thought he would not have to dream about.

They say that dreams can be a sign of the things that you yearn within. Like a kid who yearns to be Superman's sidekick, like a screechy teen girl who yearns to be a singer, like a mom who yearns to feel the love of her 18 year old son they way she did when he was 8.

His dreams, he knows and understands why he has them. He doesn't realise it consciously. But he knows that in the sub-consciousness he yearns for it. And consciously, he's blocking it out. He knows he wants it, but he's forcing himself to be strong. He couldn't have done that before, but somehow, his mind has grown stronger. Stronger to resist the temptation and lure of the outcome he hopes for, but knows will never be.
The dream though, it feels so real. Sometimes we all tend to wonder how does the mind makes it so real. When we dream that we're flying, we really feel floaty. It feels so real, surreal.

*flash*

He sees the image in his head. Good days, and he feels proud to know that he was real towards it. He feels good to know that he gave all he could at that time, cause it was really something he truly tresured. It just never felt the same way for him.

He feels powerless, cause it feels like there's a kid running around in his head, showing him the flashes. He is that kid, but like having a kid, you can't really control him. He's playful, and once he's grown up he'll realise how childish it is to be playing games like this.

When he wakes up from the dreams, deep down he truly wishes that he can really have it. Deep, deep down. But on the surface, he's keeping this desire on leash. He knows that once the leash is off chaos and havoc will exist. He's been there before, that's why he knows.

Sometimes running away is the only option. It gives you the time to gather strength. You will need this strength within to overcome anything.

You can safely say that it still lingers within him, the memories with it is an object of deep desire. It is devouring him within like maggots on a dead corpse, but he isn't dead. That's why he's brushing off the maggots and treating the decayed parts of him that would attract these maggots. He wants to get rid of these maggots so that he can slowly rebuild himself all over to cover the decayed parts. That's the strength of the human body. It can recover itself, like wounds. But what if these wounds aren't physical, but more psychological?

He's still sure he'd rebuild himself.

Sub the value of it with her, and you'll understand.