Pretentious ../4\.. Gratitude. M.E.S.S.

As he sat down, he remembered; That night,

4 was the magic number.

4 was the lucky number.

4, was the number that saved him.

It was the 4 people that saved him that night. Saved him from plummeting. 6 feet under. Saved him, so that he could be telling me this today.

That night, he saw what the word 'friend' really meant.

That night, he saw how strangers were just different from friends.

M;

She was there for him. One call was all it needed for her to tell him to hold on while she made her way there to him. And once she was there, she held him. As flimsy was his frame, her steady hands were his support. It became that for days, weeks, and eventually, months. And she never once shunted him away when he needed someone to talk to.

E;

She was there for him. One question was all it took for her to realise that this boy needed a shoulder, and lots of anesthesia. He was in so much of pain. She was the first one that was there for him that fateful day. And she was the last one with him that day. Sitting down, and listening to him, watching as his face glistened with tears, feeling the pain he was going through. The once cheery face of hers turned to the demenor of a caring person.

S;

He was there for him. One request from 'E' was all it took for him to push away his duties and come sit down and listen to him. He saw how much of pain the boy was in. And he shared things "men" wouldn't share. He showed no ego. He listened. And to top it all off, he provided the boy with one thing that he needed the most at that time; A hug. And the hug said it all.
"There there, I'm here for you now. We love you ok?"

S;

She was there for him. One chance was all he needed from her to show her that her first impression of him was totally the opposite of what he really was. She wasn't there on that fateful night, but she was with him every single day in school. She was the one that would listen to him in class, feeling his grieve. She was his first real friend in his new world.

All in all, they were the ones. They helped him, but he avoided them.

He told me this:

"I guess Im someone who can pretend I'm fine and all when people don't know me.
But when I try to pretend to those who know me, I can't. Thats why I kinda avoid them. Cause, they know that all my smiles are fake."

"That's the difference." he continued."The ones I pretend to, they don't know. That's why it's easier to fake it."

"I suck at acting like everything's right. I can't pretend well, especially if there's hurt. I don't know how people can do it. I just can't."

He was avoiding them because he just didn't know how to face them. A mistake he made, and a mistake he truly regrets. He can't help it though. That's him.

Guilt is his No. 1 weakness.

And just recently, he contacted them. He showed his gratitude towards "E" and "S". He felt sorry, and guilty for not saying how much of a help they were to him. Now, he's courageous enough to come face to face with them, and show them his gratitude.

1 was his friends, and 3 were total strangers. But yet, the only difference between them were that, he knew 1 first before he got to know 3, that's all. They don't differ in any other way other than that.

He feels that now, the burden is off. Finally, he can smile with them knowing what the smile means;

"Thank you. Thank you very much."

Deafening Silent Enlightment

It was pin-drop silence.

And he was at the top of his voice, he could hear it.

No one else could though. No one else would.

BANG!

"It's funny huh?" he chuckled.
"Being optimistic and all. Pffft. What's the use? Does it bring you anywhere? Not for me, no."

It was the case of angel, or devil. You know, the scenes they usually show in cartoons. Right now the devil's winning the race, filling his mind with pessimistic thoughts. And yes he knows that it's not right, but to him, right now, he can't even differentiate right from wrong.
One thing though, he's constantly reminding himself:

"Don't do anything now that will make you regret in the future. Don't. Slowly, but surely, things will smile again. Like a thunderstorm in a village; Strong winds and lightning will destroy. After the chaos and frantic commotions, the dust will settle on the issue, and the Sun will rise again. And slowly, we rebuild our lives again, like the villagers, after losing precious essentials."

He feels like he's losing everything. Even himself. He's losing the ones close to him, he's still dreading the lost of her, and now, he's too weak even fight for himself. He sits around weak, helpless, demoralised, trying to get a grip on things. It feels that things are just too slippery for him to hold on to, but it's only because he isn't strong enough to find a firm grip. Firm-but-gentle-to-the-touch grip.

"We are puppets. But we are puppets that pull our own strings. Sometimes the strings are snatched from us, and we may lose the will to fight for it back. However eventually, what belongs to you will return one day. We don't leave on that thought though, cause, after a while, we'll get sick of being pushed around. That's when we fight back. They might have won the battle, but the war's not over.

We are the master of our own puppets."

Right now, he wants to unwind. But it's too chaotic. He's trying to find a cave where he can isolate from the world and listen to himself within. Inside there's a boy screaming to be known, but outside the man's ignoring him. The man knows there's someone in there, but he's just too afraid to look within.

"You're not a coward if you hide. But you're a coward if you never seek. Bitch."

"Time is what I need now," he heaved a sigh.

Oh, you have all the time in the world. All.

Dark Rubicks

These days it seems, almost everyone is down. Almost.

"All endings are also beginnings. We just don't know it at that time."

And whatever we do, it seems, nothing can make that hovering cloud stop pouring on us.

"All beginnings will have to come to an end, eventually."

We are all here for a reason; Some for a similar reason, others with different reasons.

"So do we stop having beginnings to make sure nothing ends?"

Eventually, we need to fulfill something.

You see, this is just a way I like to begin my posts. Thought that can provoke, and at the same time, remind.

We were talking once again. There's an old saying: People change over a period of time.

This was like any other.

You see, he has been going through alot. But a recent thought made him stop, and think:

"Life's a bitch, and the more we bitch about it, the more we turn into bitches."

However in a way, it's hard. But yes, he thought through this phrase, and well, how true it sounds.

One thing though, has not changed; His free-roaming mind.

And yes, once again, his mind dived into the realms of darkness that was once his bright light called 'Life'. It was like an odyssey he smiled sensually at, but at the same time, made him grimace all the way through.

It's difficult huh? Trying your best to forget? Well trust me, difficult is not the word. Impossible is.

And so he let the kaleidoscope pierce through him, like a grim reaper with a scythe, feeding on what is left of him.

Dreams, they were a headache to him.

Thoughts, they were a honeymoon scream.

Free time, only gave him a freak mind.

Today, he doesn't need to say anything. Because, it's all been said before.

He misses her