The Truth

Nothing much really.

It's been thought-filled days. Especially today, especially today. Hence the entry today.

Everyday teaches me a lesson. Be it good or bad, everyday teaches me something new. If it's not something new, it's an existing lesson that reminds me. And everyday fills me up with experiences I'm very blessed to go through. I know I keep mentioning the word bless very often these past few entries, and I'm not making it with reference to religion. I'm just blessed, lucky, honoured, in that context. I know I do preach a lot, religion is never my forté.

I do believe in a supernatural existence though. My theory is, if there wasn't a starter, like a cause, there would be continuation, like a reaction. To me it's baffling when I hear people talking all science. Makes no sense when you think about the fact that the world just came about like that. Even science needs materials to start out. Pfft.

Yes, I do know I preach, a lot. It may sound as if I'm the know-it-all, like I have experienced everything and I can tell everyone about it. It's never been like this. The only reason why most of the time I may look and sound this way is because I look at a situation as being more than just a normal situation. Some call it thinking too much, I prefer the word analysing. This analysis of situations makes me more wary of the causes and reactions, and it teaches me things. I take it as a learning process that teaches me something, and I use this to reflect on first, myself, then with people too. I may sound like a know-it-all. I'm not, I'd just like to help you see things more clearer.

It's been painful, a lot of times, to be like this. Even the closest see it differently, my intentions. Their feelings make them go against my "know-it-all" attitude. After all, who the fuck are you to say all this to me, they might be thinking. You don't know shit.

Well, I may not know much, but at times, I do know when you need help. And now, you do. And you're pushing me away. Because of someone else you barely know. Because the truth hurts, and you can't bear to accept it.
So many times I've been snubbed because of this. I've lost the loves of my life, I've lost the friends that mattered the most, I've lost the family I bled for. All because, no one could accept the truth. And I was to blame, for everything.
Until they realised that I was right, only for it to be too late for any reconciliation. Because, my heart was willing to die for you, and you killed it.

You should just fuck off. Cause you've killed it. Fuck you.



I was looking through some pictures posted on a social networking website. Some pictures were really nice. It got me thinking, when would be the day I'll get to say,"Hon, you look real awesome in that. Stunning."
Especially with my wonderful dream that was full of unnecessary distractions, it was a longing that started to manifest itself in me. It's nice though, to soothe myself with the thought that, no worries mate, it will come eventually. Yes mate, eventually.

This impatience is manifesting me, to a point it's driving me to lust and desires. It's nice in a way, I get to hold all of this in till the day something works out for me.

Just thinking of intimacy, I don't know, it excited me in a way. I'd prefer intimacy over anything else, just the idea of 2 people being so deep in their romance, it's the heart-throbbing high. I'm more open to discussing this because I feel that it's a true art form of romance. The intimacy partners share, truly sexy. Bite your lips hon, that's it. I'd show you more uses for that tongue.

I'm so high now. Fuck me.

Little Tease

It’s been on my mind for days now. And well, a lot of considerations went into this. Should I, or should I not?

Something new’s gonna be here. A new way of depicting something. 
The old clique of a picture speaking a thousand words, a new concept of explaining my thousand words with pictures. Snapshots I call ‘em. It’s something I’d like to share.

I’ll be touching up on a few things here. Slight changes here and there, and I highlight the word slight, because it’ll be just slightly enough to notice a difference, but similar enough to recognise the work. 

I’m excited of all things, I can’t wait.

Skin Canvas

I have been having trouble coming up with titles these days. I don't know, it's hard to come up with one that is suitable for the occasion. Well it's not really a different situation everytime, but still, it's a special feel I get everytime I do this. Eventually though, I'd get it right.

As with most of my weeks, this week especially today has been full of thoughts. Thoughts of people, events, life. Thoughts of people I've not met in years, thoughts of events that has recently happened, thoughts on life as it continues to fill me with memories and education in everything. That's the beauty of it.

When I look at how things have panned out for me, and when I reflect at all this, it leaves me with nostalgia, excitement, and pride. Nostalgia to think about all that has happened that has left a mark on me. Excitement, to think about what the future holds for me, and what the future would look like. Pride; To think about what I have achieved, and the souls I've touched.

We're all walking with scars and marks, of life.

Maybe I feel blessed too, to be given opportunities, to have gone through so many experiences that has filled me with so much knowledge and feelings. Blessed, to have been able to understand my feelings properly, and the feelings of others. Yes definitely, blessed.

Feelings revolve around me. I use feelings to associate things around me. Words, pictures, actions, so many things are associated with feelings to me, feelings only I know, feelings only I can understand. Because after all, only you understand yourself and the way you do things.

You know, one of the most wonderful things you can ever feel is when you have epiphanies of self-actualisation. When you're just sitting there, and when this moment of truth and deep thought actually provokes you into a guilt-filled state. You feel totally hopeless about yourself, and that sickens you thinking about it, and it sickens you so much that it causes a reaction from you. A reaction, to change yourself. For the better.

I've got to admit, I'm one who's fussy about small details, it's my nature. And this nature I have in me causes me to feel dissatisfied easily with something in me. It may be something small and harmless to many, but in a way, I seek perfection in bettering myself into becoming a better person. Everyone has flaws and weaknesses, I understand that. So in a sense I do know when I can change, and when there are certain things in me I can't. And for things I know I can change, I feel angered and annoyed when I don't change it because I know I can. I know I can, but it angers me when I don't. So epiphanies like these happen often enough for me to say,"Alright, this isn't good. Let's change it."

Right now, it's time for change

And I was sitting down, thinking to myself: I'd like to go on a drive. A long drive, where it's just 2 people. A long drive, where it's just 2 people in the car talking, enjoying each others' company while getting to know one another deeper. A long drive, where the roads are endless, the scenery remains unchanged for long runs, where the seats get comfortable, where the tyres get worn off, where the destination is unknown and undecided upon, where there's no target, where there's just 2 people in a car, talking to each other. A long drive, to nowhere.



We've all had experiences, different experiences. Some might have been the same, but the light in which we looked at it might have been different to others. And I think it's the way we look at these experiences that makes us who were are. The way we look at these experiences tells us more about the type of person we are. I think it's fascinating.

I was left intrigued one night when a saw magic with my very own eyes.
The unusual part was that, it wasn't on stage.
It was 2 blocks before me.
And he stopped me.

"Excuse me Sir, could I show you a trick?"
Yes please, I'd love to.
And poof, it happened.
Right in front
of my eyes.
Blew me.
Away.

And I keep having these weird desires, these deep desires, for someone to be behind me. Behind me, watching me. Watching me work my magic, with half-eyes and biting lips. With me half-eyed, thinking about it.

Let me work my magic here,
and after i'm done
I'd start working
On you.

I'm loving life too much to start hating it now.

Verbal Picasso

Ask me, just ask me. Ask me, "what's your favourite song till this day?"

Tell you, I'll tell you.

My dear we're slow dancing in a burning room

Was there any competition? Not in my eyes no, even the title just fills me up. Slow dancing in a burning room. Doesn't have to say much, the track name says it all.

My dear we're, slow dancing in a burning room

Get the fucking gum out. Now I'm ready. "You fuckin' Picasso."


I think what sparked this gut wrenching desire was this clip I saw not too long ago. I saw lust, drive, desire, hunger, deep. It was deep. I felt it, and it created this deep desire, this deep longing to experience a lost art. I could see myself filming it, bites all over, nibbling on ears, rolled eyes, deep drawn breaths, dripping wet we'll be. Dripping wet she'll be.

Lips locked, tongues wagging, salivate honey salivate.

It's my homecoming, this is my home he said, when we reached there. It was my home indeed, and I don't plan on leaving. Not too soon at least. Cause I feel at home here. Cause it's my homecoming.

These few days has created outbursts I have been controlling for a while. I guess the sight and sounds of people squirming and yucking has finally gotten the better of me.

On a much lighter note, it's been a pretty eventful week or two of recapping some things I've experienced a while ago. It's been full of snippets, little things that I remember, be it quotes or sights. And it was kind of nice in a way, cause it's full of unbelievable stuff.
It's also been a week of self-actualizations. Not like epiphanies, but more on a broader consensus.

This doesn't feel right though honestly, something's lacking. Maybe it's too many interruptions.

Would you believe, if I had told you
I woke up one night and saw a green moon staring right at my face outside my window,
moon so big it was covering my entire view of the sky.

Would you believe, if I had told you,
I'd love to have you here now on my dream machine
with you looking at me, while I'm working.
Just laying there, looking at me work on my word art
before I finish up what I have here,
to work on the work of art lying on my bed that is you.
Cause you're a masterpiece.
I'm just the curator that enjoys it personally.

We've all got deep desires in us, I'm/you're no different.