After such a long wait, he finally called me. You see, he's not a star, not a celebrity. He's my motivation, and my inspiration to write. So when he finally called, you can just imagine how much adrenaline was pumped into me, just to hear something from him. Adrenaline can lift someone off their seats. But however, anguish, it pulls that same person back into the seat, sinking him/her deeper and deeper into it.Yeah for some, it might be the same old stories here. About the boy's life, and how much of sadness he goes through."We go through the same sadness. Why not broadcast it then?" some might say, after which they leave this page, forever condemning it.
Well, I'm not here to write stories to gain sympathy from anyone just for this boy. To me, I don't really care if people think that this shrine I've created is to think about something sad and write just to gain sympathy for this fella. To me, I don't have anything to prove. Because to me, I know it's all true, and that's all that matters.
And well, yeah, this boy did exactly that. His words just sinked me deeper into my seat. And as I listened, tears glistened my cheeks, making it look as if glitters were on me.
You see, the previous post, the boy, he was missing his ex-girlfriend. He was missing her, deeply.
"He thought it was all over, this pain. But he never knew that a part of him, for her, still lingered. He never knew. It took him, by surprise."
He never saw it coming. As much as you would think the storm was over, it's still around, lurking in the alleys. It's just weakened from releasing so much fury. Once it recuperates, it gathers enough strength and lashes back at the weak, unready ones.
And to make things worse, dreams became a thorn for him. Usually at the end of the day, people look forward to having a good night's rest, and to fantasies of things that's difficult to happen in reality. Instead, he had to pray that he dreamt of reality, and not fantasy. Because, part of him, wanted her back, in his arms.
"He was captivated in his ownself"
Screams, yes screams, of help were loud, but to him, it felt distant because, no one could hear him. That no one was her. She could never see how much he needed her.
"She was his joy, but now, his tormentor"
"He needs you, Oh so much"
Pictures of others hugging one another shone light in the closet he onced chained and locked up. He never wanted to relive it. He knew, it would hurt him even more.
And he knew, he couldn't withstand anymore than what he's gone through.
"Look on the bright side of life," people would encourage. But to him, fuck that shit. To him, life never wants him to look on the bright side. Life deterred him from acting positively because, whenever he does that, it never seems right.
"He feels that life wants him to condemn everything, and once when that's his default mindset, life beautifies him again, forcing him to change his perception of everything. Which after that, life takes away his sunshine, and pours him with rain. It's a cycle, and he's the puppet. Life, the puppeteer. Welcome to the show"
The people around him, it seems, makes him feel lonelier than ever. Contradicting huh?
Just when he thought that he had people around him, he never realise they would go away.
"He never realised that he was driving them away"
Sometimes that was the reason. Other times, they drove him away.
He thought that caring for someone would bring people closer to him. He never realised that he was caring too much.
So what now? Must he be stone-hearted, and fuck the others?
Some say yes, some say no.
Right now, he says yes, to a certain extent. No, to a certain extent.
He learnt from his mom:
This is really unfair, this is really unfair. This is life, and the more you fight back against it, the more deeper you sink. Instead, quit whining and get on with it.
Patience is virtue.
Fuck that shit.
Motherfucker
