The Some of All Times

"Sometimes it lasts in l**e, sometimes it hurts instead." - Adele


Insecurities; We all have 'em. I bet ya no one in this world, no matter how successful they are, don't have 'em. And I think it makes us human. It certainly is what I would say to myself, my self-coaxing ways to sedate the pounding life-pump.

Certainly, I have a list of 'em. Just looking at the top line would tell ya something.


I do, during certain time frames of my day, just stand, smoke bellowing, just thinking, about what my future holds. To be frank, I don't quite know what it holds. I've reached a stage in my life where, I make the decisions. For prolly the first time in my life, I have absolute control on where I turn up.

I do know what kinda of life I'd wanna live, and I have had a taste of it recently. It was like nectar, so sweet of plant-produce. It felt like the stranglehold around my neck was lifted, and I, for once, could breathe. Enjoyed I did, every single second of it that I could afford a good rest knowing that I'm not running against time, needing to savour all of it while it lasts, cause it created a sense of peace in me to, let go, of sorts, of this obsession. It was probably one of the best weekends of my life, I kid you not.

I'm just afraid, that I won't ever get a taste of this ever again, that I would make a bad decision which would stick with me my entire life. I do feel this doubt in me, but, looking at how my life has turned out so far, it reminds me subtly that, I have the ability to work things out, and that I do have potential. I just hope this fighting spirit, to strive for better things wouldn't die off like a flame, the wind of disbelief being my nemesis. Cause I belief, I know I do, that I would make it out better. I just hope it turns out that way.


Brilliant. I came here to speak about something else, but looks like my ever-wandering thoughts took charge, again.


The recent sudden-urges that have been taking over me has been quite difficult to handle, in all honesty. Cause I felt like a sail, being pushed in whatever direction the wind was blowing from. It honestly was crazy I tell ya, but it really did surface to me that, it's one big aspect of me. And when I do look back, evidence does suggest this theory.

I wanna work towards fulfilling this freedom in me. It's still work in progress, but with a little hard work, and help from unforeseeable forces, hopefully I'd get there. Hopefully.


"Sometimes it lasts in *ov*, sometimes it hurts instead." - Adele