Acheiver

An empty park, cool breeze-wisps and a chilly night. It was a wish honestly, that I would have the chance to see no life there. Tonight, that wish came true.

Crazy, beauty. I don't know, it's really hard to describe it. Serene really, really got my batteries recharged.

I'm discovering myself more and more as time goes by. &When I look around me, I see myself in such a beautiful place. And I have beautiful dreams, dreams which I would one day have the chance of achieving. Cause in my heart I know, that's it's un-fictional. Cause in me I know, that's all things' possible to achieve. If I want to. If, I want to.

This, I want to.
Cause,
this, is beautiful.

No Motion

Come to think about it, this might actually be a choice. Not something we're tied down to like a cancer in us. I really do think it's a choice. And for now, this is my choice.

I feel the serenity when I'm in this state, where everything's going slower, no matter how fast it is. Because, I'm not paying attention to it. It's like, the whole world's whizzing past me, and I could not care less about it. It's a concentrated center I have in me, and that center is so focused on just doing what I'm so interested in that nothing else matters.


It's a temporary choice, because I really do feel the peace when I'm floating in this state. It would be even better when everything else is in tune with my senses, but I don't usually get everything going my way. It does irritate me I'd be honest with that. I'm still learning to deal with it. It's like, I coax myself saying it's alright don't bother about it.

It's magical, it really is. This place I've made. Cause it's so peaceful, so serene, so beautiful. It's full of natural wonders, flooding with endorphins and relaxants. It's the beauty of the senses. It is true, I'm one who relies a lot on my senses. The sense of smell, sight, hearing, touching, tasting. I could practically get into a different mood in a snap if one of my senses is activated. Right now it's my ears and eyes that's being played with.


I feel so high right now, I beg for this not to go away. Not till the start of day.
The start of the day is a painful way to snap back. Well, right now it is.
Fuck this 2 years it's torn me to shreds, eating gnawing abso-fucking-lutely destroying. Me.

But I still stand, still.

Sequential Non-Existence

How often would I be able to do this? At this time of the day, where a new sequential number takes it's place? At this time of the night, where it's actually the start of a new day? Where no one is on the streets? Where everyone's snuggled up in bed either dreaming their night away or worrying themselves to grey hair, hair that I consider a coming of age and wisdom. Unfortunately though, in the place I'm in, wisdom isn't a word often used.

I don't see an opportunity like this presenting itself to me as often as it did previously. Having said that, I do see myself doing this for a long time coming. Cause at the end, this is my way of unwinding.

I see it as this: I live in a world that's filled with words. Alphabets filling spaces filling lines with a structure that we use to communicate. Words can be so much more powerful than pictures, this place here says it. I won't deny my love for still images, though, but I'd choose words any day.


It's a theme I've created in my head, the subject of existence. Levels of existence, why it exists, and how we exist amongst one another. It's virtually impossible to exist without impact. That is why i cease to exist if I do not impact the world around me, the one I'm in. I will only exist if I have impacted the place I'm in, the lives around me. Looking at it in a micro and macro way are 2 different things. I may cease to exist to the world, but I am existent in your world, your life.

So, do I exist? Right now, I doubt it. There's no doubting though, I do impact the lives of others. Therefore I am? I am.

&There's no doubting now, that you exist. Cause you're starting to impact my life. The one that I'm torn between love and hate. May you be another sequence I go through, I'd like to know you were extremely pleasing to the eye. But I shall say no further, cause you cease to exist till I exist in your life.
Cause, what I am to you is not real.

The Inadequates

Crazy. That's the one word I've been using pretty often of late. Not the exact word, but something similar. You know what I mean. And really, it's been an insane week.

It's better at times to let some things slide, but you cannot deny what's happened these past few days. I've been tossed like a rag doll, crazy it's absolutely ludicrous. Lesser said the better, but snapshots would serve to us memories that only the beholder will understand, all too well.


My head's in a right ol' spin now, my nose ain't exactly helping me but I know all too well that this is the result of inadequate rest. I've really put myself through a lot this week, and somethings are just too agonising when you miss it but I'll learn to deal with it. I hope.


In a way, I've quite rightfully answered myself the question I've wondered of for quite a while. Definitely I've thought a lot about this, and I've come up with many possible theories, but today, if a certain March gig was anything to go by, has proven the type I'm attracted to. Not giving too much away; So Gloria, what's your story?


I love my privacy. I think I build things upon that, and that I feel a certain irritation when I do not get it, an assumption I make, that many people do too. And there's also a need to be truly honest and clear, I hate bush-whackers. You're not beating it, you're whacking it the same way I wanna wack you when it's being done.

That's me being honest. &Sometimes, it's nice to hold up your hand and admit,"Hey, I was wrong," instead of being politically right all the time. Leave that to the damn politicians, the same ones who smile in front of you to gain votes, and frown for the level of demands we put on them. Hey, you chose to govern, you're the only channel we have to voice our opinions. Voices, which in certain places drown. Oh, the wisps of spoken words.


I truly mean it when I say this, I have a lot more to offer in my time here, but I'm a caged bird here, restricted. I do well when I have room and space to flap my wings. Right now, even my wings are strapped on myself in this cage. Fuck this. Fucken shite.


I'll be drowning myself soon, in golden fluids. Not the one you sick shits have in mind. It's the one I truly enjoy drowning myself in.


"So, what'd ya say, Boo-boo?"

Par Volume

Make space don't intrude don't confuse me I'm distracted. Okay, spaced.

I feel like I'm getting lousier at this. Is this the consequence of not being here after a while? I really don't know it's barely been 3 weeks. Okay it's been 2 who am I kidding I'm feeling the rust already. Thank goodness I came prepared.

Wet spots on the screen isn't a good thing. It means I need to aim better. It's not what you think, but who I am to prevent some stirring of controversy?

This is messed up, I really have nothing on me right now. Me mind's racing but it's full of empty trains whizzing in my; There's no content.

Let me leave you with a figment of my thoughts while I go through with my own way of relaxation and enjoyment.

"Volume"

I look like a homeless man tonight. With no home, no place to live in, except my head. With no aim, no purpose in my direction. I'll be blown, journey dependant by the nights wind. Like wisps of the smoke I exhale I drift, endlessly till I vanish. That's the view of many, I'm just a visual image their minds simply don't pay attention to. That's tonight, the night I'm homeless. A worthless image drawn by alphabets.

And amidst this insanity we still stand, still. Stand strong, I stand firm. But I know, I'm part of, this insanity is, part me. We all live with it, I choose right moments to exhibit this. It's a form of art, which only a selected few can appreciate. In it's raw form it's naturalistic, when defined it's raw and unprepared.

It's part in us, of who we all are. That this insanity will reek around us, draw itself towards us and feed on us. The thoughts, words like drawn images, it's instinctive. It's instinct that drove us here, and insanity is part of this instinct. It's insanity that drove me here, that it'll draw you here. Only drawn by words, the same lines on walls.
Insanity; You act like it's catching.

I didn't live to have experienced world war, but I'm alive while the world's at war.