Shadow Begone

I've never seen so many "s'es" in a word. And like always, I try to find a word that makes things more ambiguous. That shows what I feel thoroughly, but hides the directness of it. It's so ambiguous, this place here. So many meanings. So much, or all of what I feel, hidden in little spaces and pockets between paragraphs, between lines and phrases, and words and alphabets, and spaces. It goes to show what a vocal yet discreet person I am really, so direct but indirect. Such contradictions, no? Yes.

Once again I'm stumped by the sheer presence of this place here. My mind's gone awol on me, and I can't remember what I wanted to say here. Maybe that's what I wanted to say, that my mind's been awol for quite a while already. I dunno, I can't recall.

What a few months it's been for me. And I'm still going through it. I feel as unstable as uranium. I feel compass-less, I feel robbed. Of everything, everyone I had. Including myself.

You know what I wanna do right now? What I really wanna do? Go to a far, far place. Where no one can reach me. So that I can seek the answers I'm looking for. Cause life has been so painful, it's starting to feel that it isn't life at all, but lessons in hell.

There's a mental block here, I really can't be myself tonight. Maybe you can save me. Because even myself has left me.