Skin Canvas

I have been having trouble coming up with titles these days. I don't know, it's hard to come up with one that is suitable for the occasion. Well it's not really a different situation everytime, but still, it's a special feel I get everytime I do this. Eventually though, I'd get it right.

As with most of my weeks, this week especially today has been full of thoughts. Thoughts of people, events, life. Thoughts of people I've not met in years, thoughts of events that has recently happened, thoughts on life as it continues to fill me with memories and education in everything. That's the beauty of it.

When I look at how things have panned out for me, and when I reflect at all this, it leaves me with nostalgia, excitement, and pride. Nostalgia to think about all that has happened that has left a mark on me. Excitement, to think about what the future holds for me, and what the future would look like. Pride; To think about what I have achieved, and the souls I've touched.

We're all walking with scars and marks, of life.

Maybe I feel blessed too, to be given opportunities, to have gone through so many experiences that has filled me with so much knowledge and feelings. Blessed, to have been able to understand my feelings properly, and the feelings of others. Yes definitely, blessed.

Feelings revolve around me. I use feelings to associate things around me. Words, pictures, actions, so many things are associated with feelings to me, feelings only I know, feelings only I can understand. Because after all, only you understand yourself and the way you do things.

You know, one of the most wonderful things you can ever feel is when you have epiphanies of self-actualisation. When you're just sitting there, and when this moment of truth and deep thought actually provokes you into a guilt-filled state. You feel totally hopeless about yourself, and that sickens you thinking about it, and it sickens you so much that it causes a reaction from you. A reaction, to change yourself. For the better.

I've got to admit, I'm one who's fussy about small details, it's my nature. And this nature I have in me causes me to feel dissatisfied easily with something in me. It may be something small and harmless to many, but in a way, I seek perfection in bettering myself into becoming a better person. Everyone has flaws and weaknesses, I understand that. So in a sense I do know when I can change, and when there are certain things in me I can't. And for things I know I can change, I feel angered and annoyed when I don't change it because I know I can. I know I can, but it angers me when I don't. So epiphanies like these happen often enough for me to say,"Alright, this isn't good. Let's change it."

Right now, it's time for change

And I was sitting down, thinking to myself: I'd like to go on a drive. A long drive, where it's just 2 people. A long drive, where it's just 2 people in the car talking, enjoying each others' company while getting to know one another deeper. A long drive, where the roads are endless, the scenery remains unchanged for long runs, where the seats get comfortable, where the tyres get worn off, where the destination is unknown and undecided upon, where there's no target, where there's just 2 people in a car, talking to each other. A long drive, to nowhere.



We've all had experiences, different experiences. Some might have been the same, but the light in which we looked at it might have been different to others. And I think it's the way we look at these experiences that makes us who were are. The way we look at these experiences tells us more about the type of person we are. I think it's fascinating.

I was left intrigued one night when a saw magic with my very own eyes.
The unusual part was that, it wasn't on stage.
It was 2 blocks before me.
And he stopped me.

"Excuse me Sir, could I show you a trick?"
Yes please, I'd love to.
And poof, it happened.
Right in front
of my eyes.
Blew me.
Away.

And I keep having these weird desires, these deep desires, for someone to be behind me. Behind me, watching me. Watching me work my magic, with half-eyes and biting lips. With me half-eyed, thinking about it.

Let me work my magic here,
and after i'm done
I'd start working
On you.

I'm loving life too much to start hating it now.