My Leash, The Protector

It's been long, too long.

It's blank now, it wasn't a few days ago.

Maybe I'm here to say that I'm still around.
(And when he thought it was gone, it's flashed right back.)

*flash*

Strange things have been taking place for the past couple of weeks. "Well, if you call dreams strange then you must have been having nothing for the whole of your life. Haha," he chucked at that.

It's been weird cause, he is dreaming of things that he thought he would not have to dream about.

They say that dreams can be a sign of the things that you yearn within. Like a kid who yearns to be Superman's sidekick, like a screechy teen girl who yearns to be a singer, like a mom who yearns to feel the love of her 18 year old son they way she did when he was 8.

His dreams, he knows and understands why he has them. He doesn't realise it consciously. But he knows that in the sub-consciousness he yearns for it. And consciously, he's blocking it out. He knows he wants it, but he's forcing himself to be strong. He couldn't have done that before, but somehow, his mind has grown stronger. Stronger to resist the temptation and lure of the outcome he hopes for, but knows will never be.
The dream though, it feels so real. Sometimes we all tend to wonder how does the mind makes it so real. When we dream that we're flying, we really feel floaty. It feels so real, surreal.

*flash*

He sees the image in his head. Good days, and he feels proud to know that he was real towards it. He feels good to know that he gave all he could at that time, cause it was really something he truly tresured. It just never felt the same way for him.

He feels powerless, cause it feels like there's a kid running around in his head, showing him the flashes. He is that kid, but like having a kid, you can't really control him. He's playful, and once he's grown up he'll realise how childish it is to be playing games like this.

When he wakes up from the dreams, deep down he truly wishes that he can really have it. Deep, deep down. But on the surface, he's keeping this desire on leash. He knows that once the leash is off chaos and havoc will exist. He's been there before, that's why he knows.

Sometimes running away is the only option. It gives you the time to gather strength. You will need this strength within to overcome anything.

You can safely say that it still lingers within him, the memories with it is an object of deep desire. It is devouring him within like maggots on a dead corpse, but he isn't dead. That's why he's brushing off the maggots and treating the decayed parts of him that would attract these maggots. He wants to get rid of these maggots so that he can slowly rebuild himself all over to cover the decayed parts. That's the strength of the human body. It can recover itself, like wounds. But what if these wounds aren't physical, but more psychological?

He's still sure he'd rebuild himself.

Sub the value of it with her, and you'll understand.