Deafening Silent Enlightment

It was pin-drop silence.

And he was at the top of his voice, he could hear it.

No one else could though. No one else would.

BANG!

"It's funny huh?" he chuckled.
"Being optimistic and all. Pffft. What's the use? Does it bring you anywhere? Not for me, no."

It was the case of angel, or devil. You know, the scenes they usually show in cartoons. Right now the devil's winning the race, filling his mind with pessimistic thoughts. And yes he knows that it's not right, but to him, right now, he can't even differentiate right from wrong.
One thing though, he's constantly reminding himself:

"Don't do anything now that will make you regret in the future. Don't. Slowly, but surely, things will smile again. Like a thunderstorm in a village; Strong winds and lightning will destroy. After the chaos and frantic commotions, the dust will settle on the issue, and the Sun will rise again. And slowly, we rebuild our lives again, like the villagers, after losing precious essentials."

He feels like he's losing everything. Even himself. He's losing the ones close to him, he's still dreading the lost of her, and now, he's too weak even fight for himself. He sits around weak, helpless, demoralised, trying to get a grip on things. It feels that things are just too slippery for him to hold on to, but it's only because he isn't strong enough to find a firm grip. Firm-but-gentle-to-the-touch grip.

"We are puppets. But we are puppets that pull our own strings. Sometimes the strings are snatched from us, and we may lose the will to fight for it back. However eventually, what belongs to you will return one day. We don't leave on that thought though, cause, after a while, we'll get sick of being pushed around. That's when we fight back. They might have won the battle, but the war's not over.

We are the master of our own puppets."

Right now, he wants to unwind. But it's too chaotic. He's trying to find a cave where he can isolate from the world and listen to himself within. Inside there's a boy screaming to be known, but outside the man's ignoring him. The man knows there's someone in there, but he's just too afraid to look within.

"You're not a coward if you hide. But you're a coward if you never seek. Bitch."

"Time is what I need now," he heaved a sigh.

Oh, you have all the time in the world. All.