Riots

The things I do when I'm not thinking straight. Goodness, the last entry's evidence standing out at a crime scene. Oh well.

It seems as though I've put a lot more emphasis on seeking serenity these days. It feels as though I'm in this crazy tunnel where everything's moving so fast and I have no control over it. The main thing is right now, I have no control over so many things it's startling. It's startling to feel like everything's spiraling out of control. It's starting to feel that I'm losing control. Over things, over situations, over me.

I would think a lot has to do with me, and how I've been reacting to certain pressing issues. I feel that I'm chasing something so elusive, that I'm being left behind. And that I have to keep chasing to keep pace. And right now, it's come to the point where I'm exhausted, that I've run myself down mentally, and that I am sick of being a slave.

You know what's the beauty of my mind, though? I have the ability to figure why I'm in this current, plight of sorts. It is a shitty situation I'm in no doubting it. I just know I'll figure a way to solve this. I'm not only gonna get around this, I'm gonna make sure I correct certain things. The starting point's me.


I don't think I'm being harsh on myself. It's just that, I have expectations I set for me. And when I do not reach the heights I belief I'm capable of I go through a phase where I'm my worst judge. The voice in my head starts saying stuff I'm glad only I can hear. I just think I can do better. That's why I'm hard on myself now. I know I can do better. I know I will.

Some things I can control, some things I have no control of at all. I just wanna control the things I can better. Like me, I think right now I'm running riot. I'm here there everywhere.

Calm down son hold ya horses.


I think I'm getting high. It's been a while since I sipped down your burning presence. You're like my elixir at times, you're the thing I need when I need to slow down. You make me slow down, and go high. Beauty you are.

I was the one you always dreamed of
You were the one I tried to draw
How dare you say it's nothing to me
Baby you're the only light I ever saw

There is a couple of different versions to it.
It doesn't matter, it holds the same meaning to me.