Dark Art

You know what would have made this afternoon nicer? If it was raining non-stop. Dark clouds, cool air, fresh smell of rain. Still, this would have to do.

I don't know, they say tomorrow's the day I turn into a man. It's a 2 year journey apparently. Well it did take 9 months before I was ready to come out, I suppose everything has it's duration as well.

Haha, I know we all wished we had the chance to say "no thanks" to that 2 year journey had we had the option,"I'd rather stay on the other side". It really is the other side for most, the murky sea separating one from the other. However, it really isn't up to us. Most of it is down to the doctors who assesses us. All we can do is pray to get some kind of deformity if we knew the 2 years awaiting us. And oh, I heard from a source that some of them spend 2 years scouring the worldwide web for virtual badmouths who condemn the system. Don't look here, I'm merely expressing things the way I do best. And I'm sure many already in the system would envy your job scope.

I'm not in remorse, or anything of sorts to be honest. I'm looking at it as a time to get away for a while. It wouldn't be the nicest of holidays, but it's an experience. Not the best of experiences, but it'll definitely hold lessons. It's something not everybody gets to go through. I seek solace in that. And like what I said, I just wanna get it over and done with. A journey awaits, a journey for sure.


I said something really blonde lately. "What if the man was blind, and he saw the shadow..." I don't have to go into details for this.


I guess today so far has been time well spent at home. Quiet morn, sipping on warm highland delights, catching a flick that made me realise something. Something I never thought I'd hear myself saying.

I think depression's a beautiful thing. Sure it has it's drawbacks with the degrading words, dark nights and negative thoughts. I just think it brings out beautiful poetry. Have you ever heard a depressed person? Or maybe read any of their written thoughts? That flick I watched encapsulate everything about depression. Their dark expressions, aided by extreme words and raw language.

Dog carcass in alley this morning.
Tire tread on burst stomach.

This city's afraid of me.

l've seen its true face.
The streets are extended gutters...
...and the gutters are full of blood.

And when the drains finally scab over...
...all the vermin will drown.

The accumulated filth of all their sex
and murder...
...will foam up around their waists...
...and all the whores and politicians
will look up and shout, ''Save us. ''

And l'll whisper, ''No. ''


Now the whole world
stands on the brink...
...staring down into bloody hell.

All those liberals and intellectuals...
...and smooth talkers...
and all of a sudden,
nobody can think of anything to say.

Beneath me, this awful city.

lt screams like an abattoir
full of retarded children...
...and the night reeks of fornication
and bad consciences.

Tonight, a comedian died in New York.

Some of the world's greatest were depressed. This, encapsulates my point about the beauty of depression. The dark art.


I am serious about doing a book of my own. Right now I just want to read about someone first. It's the book I've been talking about, and I still haven't got my hands on it. Soon though, I'm in hurry, but I'm not hurrying to get it.

One of the world's greatest singer, and my favourite singer once opened his song by saying,"I got dreams, dreams to remember." He went on repeating that line, emphasising on 3 words; Dreams to remember. Cause like him,"I got dreams, dreams to remember," too. Damn, this would have been a great opening for this entry. Oh well.


I think I've been growing a need in me. A need to feel romance once more. I know I keep saying that I belief the time will come one day, I still do belief in it. I just know that right now, I'd like to relive those moments where I felt romance, where I tasted it, when I felt it. It's drugs it's my drug. One I get hooked on after just a session. I'm sure it's the same for many.
Let's do a mid-write on this.

"My drug"

It's addictive.
It's an addiction.
You don't want to let go of it,
just after the first try.

The heaving the pounding
the moaning and gasping,
We're both enjoying,
ourselves.

What joy,
what high.

You're bringing me to see bliss
with that one hot kiss.
You're so hot I'm creaming.

It's like a drug
but it's not a drug.
It's you
&I can't get enough of you.

It's goodbye, and I liked what he said. "It's not goodbye, it's see you later."
Same here, and till then.


P.S. If you don't know me, I'm not blonde. Just FYI.
&I've got a confession to make: I'm a nudist. Just FYI

;)