Chunks & Crumbs

Don't break this silence, it's something I've been yearning for a while now. Let it burn, it's been a while now.

It's been an array of things lately. From differences in opinion to differences in option. It's just been messy to say the least. And I've been disturbed by many things. All at the same time. In the same amount of space.

It's been a struggle to be me lately. I would think it's never been easy being me, only I could do what you would do to be yourself. But even for me, it's been an uphill battle. Against old demons, it makes it harder when they come haunting you. Makes me feel like a cookie, crumbling everytime someone shakes the cookie jar. It breaks me into different pieces, big and little ones. Chunks, and crumbs.

The different tastes in everything makes focusing on something specific challenging. At times it may just show the fickle side of me. At times, it shows that there is no favouritism, all's fair.

I'm doing my best fending off this evil times. Makes it hard when I can't focus. Cause there's so much distraction. And I am getting. Distracted. Unfocused.

Feels at times that I'm at my wits end fighting this. Cause trust is always manipulated. And deceit is always lingering suspiciously. After all, it's hard to trust after being betrayed time and time. Some people just don't appreciate chances. These are the ones who regret when they finally lose everything they thought they never had. Yes, I'm talking about you. No you, not you. Yes, you. You. Fucking cunt.

I'd just like you to be in my shoes. To feel how I feel, when I'm you, and I lie to you.


I'm hopelessly aimless. Things haven't been going well, at all. I'm just clueless as to how I'm ever gonna feel liberated by all these burdens, because this is what all this is, a burden. To me. And it's distracting me, mind's not able to focus on the current.

Gut wrenching. Like my soul being sucked out bit by bit. I wonder what is it that they want from me. I've been suspicious, I've been suspected. Totally different.

And if it's one thing I despise, it's making assumptions. Yes I hate it, I simply am against it. And it fuels me everytime an assumption making session takes place. Really, get a life.

I like this song, envious at how people can think of such stuff.

I know I don't know you,
but I want you so bad.

Happens too many a time for me. Fuck it.

And so I've been a subject to figure. Someone's been fathoming me. You know who you are, and you're sweet for your efforts. Especially with your motive. What more can I say?

Like I said, it's been distracting. No black and white colourful thoughts tonight.

I just wished all this ends soon.
Cause it's eating me.
& I don't taste that good.

I'm not me.
Not for now.
At least.