Tick Tock

It's a swirl of thoughts again. It's blending my head into a smoothie now. It's pulping my head into the ground, again.

It's been a long week, as I've mentioned it seems that the word neurotic has been in all my meals breakfast lunch dinner. Yes, I do have breakfast. Such an important meal to start the day, how can I not?

I have this tendency to say some things twice. Take note of how many times I do it. It might show how affected I am.

I don't know I just don't know, it's a personality trait that's carried by me wherever I go. As much as it's an accepted fact I have acknowledged, it seems to be affecting me.

As much as I won't tell you this, whatever we did has been affecting me greatly. I'm not going to give too much away, you're too witty. But your actions, or rather inactions have affected me greatly. To tears I drop on my knees, clutching my face with one hand, my heart with the other. The amount of hurt I went through, it has sadly changed things in me. It might take a while.

And sometimes I wonder if these entries could ever make the mark of being pieces of literature adopted by higher institutes. It's a hope I habour, that one day I would be able to make the mark. To know that when I'm gone I have left some kind of legacy behind for those who know me, and for those who appreciate my work. I'm no great poet, I'm definitely no great teacher I lack in many areas. But I do hope that I am able to provide something. It's definitely a one-shot thing, it might make it it might not.
Just thinking of people, sitting in a group, deciphering what I've worked on. What he means is that he is feeling very..., and it goes on. Definitely stuff only dreams can make up, and it would certainly be a dream come true for me.

It might be sooner before I start using a name here. This person is a part of me, to make it easier it is me. But it's another side of me. Don't go running away it's not split personality(i hope), it's just the voice I have in my head when I think things through. Oh believe me, it's still me, but it's wonderful to let it have a name. It's just a humour thing I guess, I just think it'd be pretty cool.

I was posted a question recently. Simple questions, in my opinion, can unlock so many train of thoughts and honest ones, I might add. At times I try to shun them away because the honest trains feel like heaps of steel crashing into me, and I tend wanting to not admit to them to let it hurt a little lesser. But, it's in me that I'd rather face the truth then convince myself with lies, all lies. And this question, to whoever it may concern, it definitely made me realise things. Trust me, I know that already. I just didn't want to admit to it.

I guess I want opinions because, I want to feel a sense of appreciation. Deep down I do have this belief that I do things well, in particular, what I do here. But I'd like to feel that not just from myself. And what feels better than to hear it from those who cares as much as you care for them. It's LATTLAY FOTTFOY. It's a term that I believe very much in, and I think it's the right way to see things. There would be room for sympathy, empathy rather. I just want to feel appreciated, like how I appreciate things. Yet not let them know that I'm not expecting it. Everyone wants to be appreciated, I'm no different.
I'm sure this answers the question. It's me being honest.



There's something more in life I'm seeking, yet I feel it's eluding me. Not very much of it eluding me totally, but it feels that I'm not getting even close to it. A simple question would be, why would I even want it in the first place? Isn't life nice the way it is?
My answer: Perhaps I want to share my life personally, that I want to share it more. And I want to have someone to share things with me too.
As I've mentioned though, I do know it will happen one day. That I'm very much confident of. It's me being honest.