Clouded Vision

I can't start without talking about the night. And the moon tonight. Like every night I get back home I'm always attracted to the one thing that's the brightest in the sky. Be it round, semi, crescent. It has never failed to lure my eyes to it. And the night tonight, it's the kind of night I go soft about. With wind so gentle and cold, like wisps of ice vapour making you pout your lips out towards it. No one likes a cold kiss, but it sure feels that way, the night. I just wished it'd be more dead. I would like to hear wind only, nothing else. Maybe throw in a few crickets but that's the most I'd accommodate to.

I can't wait for the last day of this year in all honesty. I can't wait to do a review of what the year has been for me. I won't want to spoil it for myself, but I can foresee what I'll be writing. It's probably the one day I'm most looking forward to right now.

It's been really haywire for me this few weeks. When home doesn't feel like it and work is just horrible. And with the sudden bouts of thoughts bombarding my vision, clouding it with shrouds of gray. Nothing has ever felt so bad before, really. I have never felt so horrible about things. I guess it's really the timing of it all, and when things are down everything crumbles. For me at least, it usually happens this way. And I spend so much time correcting things, while more things are being wronged. What a fucking hypocritical phrase. It's a hypocritical phase.


I'm being dreamy once again. I usually am, but I'm feeling that I'm going through a cycle, and this is the part where I feel this way. Where I get stuck with words, and no word seem to come out right. And there's a lack of courage with the things I do. It's been a bad time.

All I have is me right now. That's most probably all that I've ever had. And I do trust that it's all I need to get me out of this. And I know, I'd get out of this. Goodness this should be child's play for me by now, such is the normality of these predicaments.


And you can take everything away from me, everything. The one thing you can never detach is my belief. And my love for life. And although it's not exactly beautiful, life now, it's gonna be beautiful. I know it is. Because I belief in me. And I belief me can make life beautiful. It's not gonna be easy, but it'll be done. I just need to keep a hold of myself.

It's not been easy. It really hasn't. The battles I've been facing, against others, against me. So many, so many of them. I've won some, I've lost some. But I've learnt a lot. And being someone who is a believer of learning, I've benefitted from it all. Because I've learnt so much. About me, about them, about us.


I'm still having clouded vision, but it's slowly clearing up. The me-you this-that jibber-jabber. But it's making sense. It is.


And it's been burning my lips. And my throat. Let it be, I'm enjoying every sip. This clear gold.

It's the me-you this-that jibber-jabber, but it's making sense. It is.