Joy & Tears

There's so much on my mind, and this will only be about what's on my mind. Certainly jet lag is a talking point, but not for now. Because I'm back, hurt. My smile's killing me within.

I've had a life's-first experience, I got my eyes treated to one of the most luscious landscape I've ever seen. I remember approaching the brow, and a sign said,"Breathtaking view, 300m." I thought to myself, damn, we're not going there. As soon as we went over the brow into descend, the view was literal. I remember being so awestruck I had difficulty catching my breath. Stunning, absolutely gorgeous.

I got the chance to finally experience lifestyles' not near Asia. The place might made me feel that I couldn't run away from them all, but most were "different" people. And experiencing the life there makes me feel blessed. I can finally tell stories not based in this little island.

I'm dozing off here, but I need to get my thoughts out before it neutralizes into a meaningless form.

I really feel very thankful for everything. Being able to finally defy gravity, being able to meet my relatives. Unfortunately all this came at a price.

My heart's been broken into pieces. To think that a few months back you were the one who was urging me to travel along with you, only for me to feel special. Neglected were my feelings, nothing else mattered. And when I asked for one favour after giving in to your every need, I instead got a kick. It felt more like a slap, like a slab falling on my chest.

Was I asking for too much? In my whole trip, I never got one day for just the both of us. I just needed someone to bring me around, knowing that I've never been here before, and that it would be a while more before my next trip. I wasted the duration of my stay offering help to someone who i thought held my feelings up high, away from land scavengers. Instead, I was left burning.

You've hurt me so bad tears are the only way for me to release all this. Used, manipulated, cheated, unsympathised. I feel so lousy as a person, disgraced. I feel so lousy, took me and hung me. Even now the head's spinning like a top.

Stupid of me to have felt this way.
You've hurt me. Even now I feel shards in me.
You've hurt me.
I wanted to whisper in you ear when you came to me teary looking for a hug. "You've hurt me real bad. And I'm in so much of pain. Because you're the last person whom I thought would rip me into pieces."
And now looks like you've got what you want. There's no need for me, now is it?

Literal pain, you've hurt me. I feel handicapped.

I never thought you'd do this to me. I'll tear myself to bed. Remember what I said?

The goodbyes' we have are never happy ones, it's never a happy goodbye. We always leave with heaving hearts. This one, no different.