Mirror Talk

Tonight, I missed a prophet's performance. Gone, was my chance to finally treat my ears with the one voice that has mesmerized me through these months of music nirvana. And to think that I had actually ordered the tickets, only for me and my mates to decide on letting it go in hope of getting better ones. Little did I know, it was more than just letting go of the tickets; It was letting that once in a lifetime opportunity of music bliss slither away into some cunt's hand who hardly knows a breath of his nirvanic-verses. I know, that it's not a real word. It'll just have to do for now.

At first I told myself that it was alright. It wasn't meant to be, indeed. I just didn't know it'd be so hard for me to wake up in the morning, and realise that a fucking clueless cunt has the tickets to watch a prophet performing. Live, in front of his eyes, it feels so undeserving. At least my mates have watched him once before. Me? It just wasn't meant to be.

I'll see you one day, that I'm sure of.
Till then, patience my brown brother, patience.
Stop raining on my cheeks.

It's probably not the best time to be here. Nothing's been smooth sailing for me for a while now. The nights have suddenly felt lonelier. The trip couldn't have came at a better time, albeit it could have been better in other ways.

It seems as though there's a lack of understanding. So many assumptions being made here, there, everywhere. And it seems as though I've been the main cause of all this made assumptions. Some of it true, some of it totally painful to know that I'm seen under that light in the eyes of many. I honestly thought at that time that silence would be the way forward. But what on earth was I thinking about? It was never gonna be the saviour of the cause; It was merely a way for me to squeeze out some time to think things through. Time helped me realise this.

It seems as though I'm the main cause of this assumption-making sessions. Have I wronged? Possibly. Would I like to make things right? Depends on who I've wronged. But still, it hurts to know I'm seen like this in many's eyes.

At times, I do sit down and wonder: Would my presence ever be missed if I were to go poof! away from here? No no, do not ring the suicide bells just yet. I'm just curious like everyone else to know the impact of my existence.

My take is, life goes on as normal. The Earth won't stop orbiting 'round the Sun, the sky will still be blue, and it'd definitely not stop global warming.
Still, I seek solace in the fact that, my departure will have an impact in small little worlds. And I'll leave a trail of tears as I'm sent off to my final resting place. I'm just wondering, who will these tears come from?

It'd definitely be nice knowing that I had impacted someone's life. Even if it's just one person, it'll make my existence here much more fulfilling to know that my actions would be missed. Because right now, it feels as though my actions mean nothing to no one. Feels undeserved, feels gut-wrenching. Maybe it's because I'm expecting something extraordinary from a simple situation? Maybe I'm not doing as much as I think I am? Everything lies in me, doesn't it?

Still, I feel undeserved. And I do wonder, if the world would be a better place without me. I guess tonight's the night my insecurities are revealing themselves. I'm not ashamed though, because I want to feel important. Like everyone else.
And I know I am. To a few.
You are too. To a few.
So let's wait and see, if I'm right.

The silent night's crying here me out
No one's listening everyone's asleep
Except me


And the lone crow squawks you fucking cunt
Too bad I understood
Too bad I have a gun
Too bad no ammo
Too bad

You fucking cunt