Clockwatch

It's been a while I was here. It's been a long time since I settled so quickly on a title. Yes, I do put a lot of thought into my titles. A lot of thought. Like most of the things I do. Indecisive some say, sometimes it pays off. Most of the time actually. Most of the time.

I've got a lot of pent up fury in here. In me. This usually leads to self-destruction. Fury I mean. For me, it makes me do a lot of things with an aim. Focus. But it's detrimental to my health too. Gosh where's a fag when you need one.
Don't get the wrong idea loved one; I know control. And I know mood, the mood to do certain things. (I'm saying trust me)
Right now I'm in the mood. Too bad it can't happen.


I have been reflecting, and something startling has surfaced; I tend to "jinx" myself quite often, like how when I say currently I'm doing something that's of great interest to me and I hope it continues, and the next day I don't have the drive to continue what I've started. It's annoyingly sickening, but it's phases I guess.

Right now I'm in this "phase" of recording down quotes from whatever I find interesting, music movies books interviews. It's pretty neat to read back whatever I've written, I think. Cause I've not done it yet, read it. It's my thing, this habit of not reading it back. I dunno why I can't explain it. There's certainly a reason though, that much I know.


Things have been very dull lately. The same routine almost everyday, and when I look back now I've wasted so much of ample time doin' nothing. How it burns within to come to that realisation. Feels horrible. I kept saying how slow time was moving, and now it's already nearing the year's midpoint. Gosh where have I beeen all this while? Too caught up with time that I never saw it blow past me. Never heard it too.

There's a need to have more meaning in my life right now everything's so dull. I need a change, goodness I need to do something sitting down typing all this isn't gonna help I need to have a big epiphany to really wake up my idea. Takin' these 2 years away from me is unforgivable. I'm sure ya'll will pay for it. Positive, I am. Always.


Rants rants rants, that's what I've been surrounded by lately. Of how bad service here is, of how hot the weather is and how this rice is too soft and that cushion is too stiff and this kiss is no kiss with this touch is empty and this mind is so so so so so full of shit. Oh shut up and shut up. And carry on goodness isn't it bothersome enough just ranting? *epiphany part uno* Dos & tres will come soon.

Last letter first letter pointed this out in one of her tunes titled after an insect that helps produce natural sweetener. "They say it isn’t right they have control of your mind but I choose not to believe that." I live by that honey. And really, now do I understand the tune. What a beautiful tune. Not nearly as you though you're a million miles away. Still, I'll be trekking all the way there.
I've got time, if I use it properly.