Jug

My head's screaming don't do it don't. My eyes are on the verge of giving up on me. But still, I know it'll be worth it. Cause that's what coming here's all about. The heavy head and drooping vision-givers. I don't think it will change. Not for now at least. Not now no.

The night gets quieter as the clock's hour hand depress, movement only possible with the help of the second hand. Together it works, hand-in-hand. Literally.


I've not been a happy camper lately. Warm humid nights, tossing and turning in bed, having real surreal experiences. It's not been an easy time for me, and my dreams reflect it. Things have not been calm for me, everything's so chaotic and messy and noisy and rude and filthy and rude and noisy and chaotic, everything's so. My mind's been a train-wreck. It could have been a plane-wreck, or a car-wreck. It could have been so many things, but I'm just sticking to trains this time round. Crossing out train-wreck in my list right, now.

All jokes aside though things have really been damp for me. It's been a real challenge keeping my mind clean and clear. It's been clouded, affected by external factors. I think the external factors thing bothers me. Shows that I'm weak mentally. I don't like that. Time to stand up for myself I guess, I've been bowing too much that I've forgot who and when to really bow to. It's like an involuntary movement nowadays. And that's not good.


I've been thinking a lot lately, about myself and my actions. I guess it's all too natural for my to look at meself when things aren't right. I'm my harshest critic, yet at times I really wonder if I have anything at all to do with the situation. &When I look around me, and look at the people near me, it's proof that at times I really ain't at fault, and that others are having a bad time too, and that I'm caught in the middle of it.
I really do wonder if other people see things the way I do. Cause if that's the case the world would be a very nice place to live in. Special in some sense I shall not say, but different at least I would. Different from the majority of course, yet I know there's a community filled with people similar to me. It's just not that easy to spot them. I say from experience.

Truth be told I enjoy doing a lot of things by myself. At times I do wonder if it's everything. I'd say no, but still, there's loads of things I enjoy doing when I'm with myself. Maybe that's the reason I'd want to live somewhere that's not noisy and populated. I don't mind these places but my picture of home is a peaceful quiet town that's safe. It does make me wonder if it's to such an extent where I do not need others with me. Again, I'd say no. There are some things I like doing with others too. Not too many people, just a handful, or sometimes just one.

It's been a real chunk, but hopefully it gets digested by the morning. Or afternoon. Or evening. Whichever suits you best. Whichever fits you best.