Deep Hull

The irony of not being here is that, when I'm away I've got tons and tons of material in my head. Like small excerpts, little sayings pebble-like inspirations. Some make me smile in glee. But when I finally get to sit down here, and this can be like a half hour gap, my mind just goes,"Okay, so what we were thinking about again?"

This place is really magical though. Cause I get to just drain myself, creative juices oozing out of every nook and cranny in me. This includes the wounds.

I've got this splitting pain in my main processor's container. And it's been there for about a week now I guess. Plus the red of life in the water-based gel I've been expelling out orally has been at it again. It's the splitting pain though that's make me cringe.


The whole of last week, that week starting from Friday, has most probably been the most painful for me. An excruciating ordeal I had to go through. It might be made much of, but it has been hard for me to comprehend. It's always been a challenge for me to analyse my feelings. Maybe it's because I think of the "correct" way to react to situations. I used to do it a lot last time. I've begun to realise lately that sometimes I can't really control the emotions in me. Cause suppressing 'em makes things worse for me. And being one who's flooding with emotions in me, that's hardly the recommended thing to do. It's been hard though it really has. It's been a struggle for me lately.

I do think that whatever I've gone through, it certainly adds more colour in me, contrast too. I've always spoken about this depth thing, where depth gives someone a more, deeper look so to speak. It adds more layers to someone, making them more dimensional. More, real I guess. That's why I have never been a fan of plastic surgery. There's a reason why it's called plastic you know.

I have an appreciation for all things natural. That's the reason why I'm a nature person. I'm fascinated with living in the mountains, or on a mountain-top home, or near the sea; views that take my breath away, views that haven't been messed about by my species, not yet at least. That sounds sad.
Partly because it's much quieter there. Downstairs' a mess that's been artificially created.

&I keep thinking of the 2 years of my life that is being stolen away from me. I really do think it's one of the most unforgivable sins, stealing someone's life away. Ask people in captivity, I'm certain their lives are much worse, but it's the same concept. And I do think it's something I'm gonna try avoiding in the future, but for now, obsessing about this won't help my cause. It's all about putting my head down and finishing it. I've got my hands tied behind my back, but I'm getting the rope closer to that lamp that'll burn it off.

"Oceanic"

Just douse me in a pool of art.
Cause I'm getting obsessed about it.
Anything.
Especially noir
and indie
and strings
and soothing vocals.
Cause I'm going crazy.
Noir Noah No Ah.
That might be Jr.'s name.

&You know what I think of preachers? "You hold a stick of cigarette in your hand while preaching the name of God." That's what I think of them. Too bad there isn't a mirror in front of them. No conscience, that's what the mirror works as.


Mistakes are always easier made. Learning from it is harder. The case for many, including me. I just hope they do learn from it. That's the best I can do.