Noir Circle

I've got something on my mind. It's not one thing, it's many. Oh, surprise surprise.

It's been a while. As usual, my mind's been active. About so many things. About so many people. It's about you, and you, and you. That's 3 people, not one. But it's more. I was just giving an example of the number of people. Moving on.

I've been learning a lot lately. Not book knowledge, but about handling situations, and how to. I've been in many situations countless of times, but I feel that right now, I have the capability to handle certain things appropriately.

I don't know, it has something to do with relinquishing control over certain things. It's not because these things are beyond my control, I'm always capable of anything, almost. Yes I do still believe there are certain things that only higher forces can control, while we're at it's peril. It's because, some things are not worth my effort. And that, there are more important things I need to tend to. Maybe not having much things around me has made it look like I'm capable of prioritising. I don't think so though, I just feel I'm much capable to speak up more , and to let others know what I think instead of just bottling up.


It's been a funny 2 weeks. So many things going on, and I'm merely a spectator to most. Still, it has been eventful. And there's definitely a hormone imbalance in me. Yes that's right, hormone imbalance. Oh wait, hasn't that always been the case? Oh.

I've been thinking about stuff. And that, I feel this sense of disappointment in me, when I think of the many things I could have done. I could have done this, I could have done that. I could have done so many, and yet, I didn't. Simply because, I was being me in the moment. It's the me-you this-that jibber-jabber.

I guess things really do happen for a reason, with a reason. That's how I've been looking at it. And right now as much as I really, really wished I did a certain thing after looking back, I didn't do it at that time because of a reason. A reason deep inside of me. So deep, wells are put to shame. It's something deep. Still, looking back at it now, I really wished I did it. Only thing, I'm certain that if I was in the same situation again, I'll probably do what I did the last time. It's a cycle, a chain I'd never break.

I could have done you that time, I saw it in your eyes you wanted it. I didn't, though. Give me the chance right now; Unless circumstances changed, I wouldn't. Cause you were not worth it.
How I wished the circumstances changed. How.


I've been in my deep self recently. And that, I find it so easy to fall into. But I always look more at the negatives, and tell myself I'm worth a lot better than that. Cause I'm looking for perfect. Perfect for me and no one else.
"It's like a jigsaw piece; I'm looking for that one unique match."
Call it whatever you want, it's still a jigsaw. Nothing's changing it.

&HaikuNoir