22 from 21

The last 22 hours of the year. And what a year it's been. Really, what a year it's been. For me really. For me personally. A year with, loads to remember, more to leave behind. Somethings though, you just hold on to. Dearly, desperately. Unwillingly.

Like I said, it's the day I've been looking forward to the most. The most really, because of the way it makes me feel. The last day of the year, one second separates the old from new. Just that one tick from the second hand, and all the cheers and fireworks and screams and chaos to usher in the new year. Of course, it's of different timing in other places. Some earlier, some way later. That's one thing I don't like. I feel it dims the aura of having a countdown, knowing somewhere else across oceans there's a country still sleeping. Thank god for the oceans, else they'll attend their New Year parties with eye bags. Lack of sleep they say, though I'm sure you know why.


I don't know. It's something special about having an end to something. I hate continuity. I like the idea of something coming to an end eventually. It's refreshing, it makes you look back at what has been, and what lies ahead. It does make me feel that way. I do know some things will be carried forward to the new year, I do know too that many things will be the same. It's just that, it gives me a new feel. Nothing much changes except for the last 2 digits in the date, I just am fascinated by it though.

The year that has been, for me, it's been one of my lowest years I'd say. It's been filled with so many things I wished didn't happen. I do have the sneaky feeling that everything happens for a reason, I'm still clueless as to why some of them did take place. A test of character? It's all a test. And I do think that we control most things, and what has happened, no control was exercised. An embarrassment of maturity.

I do see it as me being affected by everything the most. There were some days where I felt that all hope was gone, and that so much was lost I couldn't lose anymore of myself. I do feel encouraged by the strength I've shown. It ate so much of me I was in crumbs.

The year was a year where good things happened too. Of course it isn't easy to remember it when disaster fills you everyday, but I've had some good moments too. Being the first to graduate with that paper, being able to drive legally, learning more things along the way like playing an instrument, and deciding on something I'd like to pursue in the near future.

The times I've spent with those who mean something to me is something I'd like to point out too. In times where it's felt as though I've lost my ability to communicate, I've still not lost that sense of reading people and communicating with them on a personal level. I guess that's me, being personal, and I'm glad it didn't abandon me in my hour of need.

I've lost dear people, in ways that really hurt.

I've nurtured some other relationships too, blossoming into beautiful understanding and company for one another.

I've lost myself, and found me again. Time and time again, and again, and again. Time. &. I make it sound so fascinating, but it's a long painful process. I need to do it less often in 2010. Oh wait, it's just another year for the many of you right? Haha, why did I even bother?

Nah, it's a end of something, and a beginning of another. Mitch said it spot on, every ending is a new beginning. We just don't know it at that time. Well done Mitch mate.


I really do not know what the new year's gonna hold for me. I certainly hope to achieve some things on a personal level with myself. I've kinda lost faith in something, something dear to my heart. I guess I'm just gonna channel my belief in something else. There is no use believing a broken glass can ever be put back together, so I'm not gonna bother putting my energy into something that'll never work out. Cause it's a lost cause, I won't worry my life away.


I've always reminded myself that, life is beautiful. As much as I say it so often, to me I think life is beautiful. Life is beautiful, life is beautiful. And I love it so much, nothing'll take my love for it away. I do have miserable days where even the sun shines on everyone else but me, but I've had days too where I just look around, and marvel at how beautiful things are. How fascinating people are, how magnificent this place is. This is such a beautiful place. I just want to make the most out of it. And I know, when the day comes where I can do things my way things will be different. We'll be the envy of everyone, just by showing how much we enjoy living life. Cause life isn't always a struggle, we can choose to live it differently. Only if we want to. I want to, live it differently I want to. And I will. I choose to. And I will.


I may not be here often, sometimes barely twice a month. But I mean it when I say this; This place, it means the world to me. A place for me to channel my crazy-ass thoughts, a place where I unwind after everything that's took place. I may have lost many, one thing I can never lose, is my love to write. Beautiful writes some might say, I humbly thank you for that.

This place has been remarkable for me. On happy nights, on not so happy nights. On high nights, on oh-my-god-so-fucking-high nights. This place has been just amazing. And that's the first emphasis word here. I'm trying my best to use it less often, unless necessary.


This year has been one of my not-so memorable year. But I'll still take it to heart.

Here's the last mid-write of the year.

"Wish"

Nothing different really
Just me wishing
You being here
Spending the last hours together.

Nothing different really
Just me hoping
There'll be a day
Where you're here
Watching me do this.

Cause it's nothing different really,
I just dreamt of it.
Beautiful I'd say
The way I saw it in angles.
Nothing will be as good as the real thing though.
Not even you.

Nothing's changed
You said it brilliantly
I seek someone beautiful
Inside, & out.
You really couldn't have said it better.

I know that day will come
And when it does
Suffocate me
While I do you

Take my breath away
Like I take yours
I'll suck it from within you.

Nails skin deep
Lipstick and glit
And that one kiss
That will
Kill me, Kill you.

That one kiss
That'll make me & you
Us.

Goodbye hoof, hello nutmeg.
I love you. say it again
I, love you.

Happy New Year Everyone. Smile.