Torn Between Beliefs

"Maybe I'm too used to being in a solitary state. Maybe I'm not used to being around. Maybe."

It's perhaps, complex, when it comes to understanding my own feelings. This head seems to be able to delve into thoughts and ideas that may sometimes be seen and perceived as, bizzare. It's usually outta the box, when it comes to my thoughts. But sometimes, even for myself, it can be quite unusual.

I guess, this is the way I work. How things work for me. That, being simple is simply an illusion; A wish of sorts. A wish that I beg for at times, to come true. Because it's a tendency to just dive into details instead of looking just on the surface. And it's a deep sea I see, a myriad of details and emptiness and mystery. It's like diving into the unknown; You see so much you've never seen before, and you see so little of what you're familiar with.

It's like a new world for me every time. A new universe, that unravels. Like the great explorers unravelling a mummified corpse.

"My Dreams"

I've been encountering strange dreams of late. Of things I can't fathom, of things that are haunting. And strangely, some of it have religious connections and connotations attached to it.

I don't know. It might be a spiritual calling of sorts, but these callings are very strong. They are also very wrong; They're wrong in coming to me, because it's religion that I always try to steer clear of.

My deep belief is that religion is too commonly used as a reason, or to put it bluntly, an excuse, when things cannot be explained in a human way. Sometimes, it's reasons are really just staring right at you, but people misuse the perception that everything is "God's plan".

I just can't agree with that. Maybe I just don't want to, but I can't put myself to such a level where I'm waiting for a miracle to happen. Things happen because we make them happen. Everything emerges from something. Yes I have seen great things happen that even I can't explain, but I always feel that using the name of the Almighty must always be the last option, when all you can ever muster and come up with fails.

We have created this prophecy. The human race has created this world and the place we live in, but we do have things to be thankful for. Things that, we had no part to play in.

I don't know what my dreams are telling me. Maybe I don't want to submit to them. Maybe this is the live that I'd live. A life where, I'll always be torn between beliefs.

"If there was really a God, and if he really does plan everything, why then do we have heartbreaks and disasters; Kids with polio, innocent people suffering from poverty, floods and natural disasters destroying homes. Is it his decision to let people suffer while the rest have a beautiful life?"

"If there really wasn't a God, would places like the Andes and breathtaking Alaska exist? Would we, as humans, not have a spiritual side that we turn to at times?"

At least I still have my beliefs. I pity the poor souls who have none to live by.