Dunked In

"The sky was bruised, the wine was bled." - Audioslave

It's been a while since I've been here, pouring my soul out into these blank pages. Reason? As always, there's one. And this time, it's because I've been suppressing my feelings all this while.

I've been constantly forcing myself to not stoop low again, because it's really enough. I've had enough of long dark night and cold shivering loneliness. But it's unavoidable; I am someone who's very in touch with my feelings, and as much as I try to mask it, the mask peels away eventually, revealing who I really am.

I have been troubled recently. Seems like, happiness is like a drug that lasts only as long as it does. And when it's effects, beautiful superficial effects, have worn off, I'm this tainted slate again, with mould and patches all over. Still, it happens. The happiness I'm chasing is a lifestyle I wanna live by, and this lifestyle seems far away, as it always have been.

Still, I'll reach it. I know I would. And I have to stop the habit of blowing things out of proportion. Sometimes, things really are as simple as it looks; I'm just too skeptical to believe so. Idiot.


So, I have been talking to someone recently. It might probably be nothing. I guess it always has been. What's new? It's the same, broken record player all over again. I'm not getting my hopes high, and I'm forcing myself not to set expectations, cause invariably it has always let me to the big D. Disappointment.

Still, the writing is on the wall. But I can't allow this to influence me. It's good companionship, and it's good, err, good. She's pretty, sweet, patient with my silly antics, and one with a good heart. But they all have been, or so I thought. And all they did, was tear my heart apart. Like it was a fuckin' piece of paper.

If you're reading this, remember, we all make mistakes. What's most important is to realise them, and to be sure we don't make 'em again. Easier said, but it's doable.

My mistake? I allow people to use me, and then refuse me. But, it's me. And it ain't gonna change that much.


Nothing's certain in life. cause when it is, it only leads to complacency

Apparently my favourite line these days.