Enquote

"And now,

We can't let something that does not exist run our lives, now can we?"

Yup. That quote's from the post entitled "Pseudo". You know, the post that talks about memories. Well, so much in that post has been said about what memories are, and how they affect us. So much.

Well, how about the other 'thing' that can affect us? Yeah. Dreams. You know, the vision of your fake world that you see in your mind when your head hits the pillow. They say dreams can tell you alot. Some people say, it shows us what the subconscious mind is keeping away from the conscious one. Some say, dreams hold a hidden message in it. Others, well, they just think that it's nothing.

And for this one fella, he feels that it's the first option.

If you remember clearly, the earlier posts here were about this boy, and how much he has been suffering after the loss of the girl he loved so much. Those posts showed how much he actually cared for her, how much he loved her, how much he missed her. Many posts later, and those things became history. Not much has been said about the agony his heart went through as before. Yes there is a reason to that sudden disappearence of those kind of posts.

You see, the boy was recovering. And those close to him would say that, he was recovering very well. There were drastic changes to his character. Nono, good changes. Those close to him would have realised that he was trying to recover. They saw a change in his expression. From the lost, helpless face he used to have, smiles became a regularity. Laughter was soon appreciated, and he, was happy. Yup. Even they saw it.

And for the boy, he realised that too. His smiles were no longer a facade. They were genuine. Yes, he was still affected by those evoking memories, but he chose not to be bothered by them. "Yes those were great times, but everything has an end," he would say to himself. He no longer talked about the girl. Instead, he was living. Living for himself.

However, he called me. "Ah, he must be missing me," I chuckled when he talked to me. But the chuckle soon turned to a spine-chilling expression. "Oh no," I said.
He was crying.

Yes, like any other person would, I sat down and listened. And this is what he had to say:

You see, if anyone would understand, he never truly forgot about the girl. And using common sense, no one in his situation would. Instead, he chose to ignore those sudden flashbacks, citing them as just, memories. And he said what he normally would," Hey, it's no point."

You see, he made a promise to himself. He promised that he would never allow himself to think about her because, it's of no use. There's nothing he could do already.

But recently, dreams are the ones that are pulling him down. Trust me, he didn't stand a chance.

A few nights ago, just before he went to bed, he was watching TV. And after that, just before he fell asleep, this stray thought just loitered in his mind: "What if, she came back to me?" he asked himself. And as usual, he just thought he was being silly, and casually brushed that thought aside before falling asleep. And what he dreamt about, well, it affected him, badly. Real badly.

He dreamt that he was talking to the girl. She said,"I'll be real busy because, I'll have over 20 closets of clothes to try on." Yes, they were gonna get married, and, she was pregnant. In that dream, they were just in love with each other. Gazing into each other's eyes, hugging each other closely, listening to her belly with so much of excitement, never wanting to leave each other. It was just love. The boy knew it. You know why? Because, it felt the same as it did when he was together with her last time. It was exactly the same. Don't feel offended, but he said this. "Only those who has been in love would understand this feeling because, it's just unexplainable. It's this magic feeling. You know you're in love because, you've never felt this way before, 2 individuals becoming 1. But, you will never know how to explain it. It's just like, magic," he said.
I wouldn't disagree.

And in that dream, he did things that he never did when he was with her. He did the one thing he couldn't do; He actually stood up for her when she was forced to say something by one of his close friends. He wasn't hesitant; "Back off man. Don't force her to say it. Just back off." He just said it, out of instinct because he felt that she was feeling uncomfortable. He was protecting the love of his life when she needed him, the one thing he never fully did when he was with her last time. He never fully did it because, he was scared to offend people. But in that dream, he didn't give a fuck because, she was everything to him. Everything. He was undoing his wrongs.

And so when he woke up that morning, he felt dead. He was missing the things he once had. He missed the feeling of hugging, the feeling of 2 people feeling so close physically, the endorphins.

He missed love.

His whole day was affected by this, this fake vision he saw and when it was night he talked to me. He felt better, and when I got a phone call the night after I talked to him, I was expecting something good. Instead, he told me this:

"I dreamt of her again. We were talking, and I asked her how was she doing. She replied, 'You should know boy. You should know me well enough.' We then started chatting casually when I wanted to ask her this question, but I woke up from the dream," he said.

"Well, what did you want to ask her?" I asked.

"Will you give me another chance?" he replied, in a quevering voice.

He continued,"I just don't understand this man. Why am I thinking about such stuff? I mean, is this what I really want deep down? Is it?"

I only had this to say to him:

"And now,

We can't let something that does not exist run our lives, now can we?"